News of the Weird: Week of August 31, 2023

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But Why?

Seattle police were called to a home on Aug. 18 for a reported burglary, KOMO-TV reported. A young woman inside the home said someone was trying to break in with a stick. Officers went into the home and found the victim hiding upstairs. The suspect, who was identified only as a 40-year-old male, was discovered in the garage, in one of the homeowner's vehicles, where he was guzzling gasoline from a jerrycan. He refused to leave the car, so police broke the driver's side window and took him out. He was charged with attempted burglary.

It's Come to This

United Airlines pilot Kenneth Henderson Jones, 63, told police that he had "hit his breaking point" on Aug. 2 after he took an ax to an employee parking lot gate at Denver International Airport, Denver7-TV reported. Video of the incident showed Jones hacking away at the gate with little effect, until he realized the sheath was still on the blade. With about 15 more seconds of striking it with the sharp blade, the gate broke. Jones then returned to the parking lot with a security guard in pursuit. After a brief struggle, Jones was detained in a nearby field by police officers. He was charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief and later released; United said he was "removed from the schedule." Jones told deputies was "trying to get rid of issues for everyone waiting" in the exit lines.

Crime Report

Porch pirates, meet your leader. Robin Swanger of Arnco, Georgia, was charged with felony theft after he allegedly stole an entire porch from a neighbor's yard, Fox News reported on Aug. 22. The 8-by-10-foot wooden porch was left on the property when the house was moved away, but investigators said Swanger ignored "no trespassing" signs and removed the "very well-constructed" structure. "Some people may shrug their shoulders and say it's not a big deal," said county investigator Chris Stapler, "but when you take someone's property without their consent and the value of this porch is $3,000, you can't just go and take stuff off someone's property." Well said.

Bad Dog

Magda Mazri and Donato Frattaroli of Boston are set to tie the knot on Aug. 31 in Lake Garda, Italy, Fox News reported, with almost 100 guests in attendance. But on Aug. 17, as the couple dined out to celebrate getting their wedding license, their golden retriever, Chickie, chewed up Frattaroli's passport. "I can't be mad at Chickie because I'm the idiot who left the passport out where she could get it," Frattaroli said, adding that he can't sleep. Mazri jumped into action, contacting local officials and the passport agency. "It's been a complete whirlwind," she said. While they're hopeful that a new passport can be issued in time, Frattaroli is prepared for the worst. "Tell everybody that's going to have a great time enjoying the beautiful event that Magda spent the last 18 months planning. I'll see everybody when they get back," he said.

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Dog ownership in Iran is frowned upon in many circles (dogs are considered "unclean"), but authorities took their biases to another level after a couple transferred the title to their apartment to their little white dog, Chester. The couple have no heirs, and Chester "signed" with an ink-covered paw. Yahoo! News reported that on Aug. 19, Iranian police "arrested the head of the real estate agency and shuttered the firm," according to deputy prosecutor general Reza Tabar. The sale "seeks to normalize the violation of the society's moral values" and "has no legal basis."

News You Can Use

Along with all the other natural oddities going on this summer, people are reporting exploding watermelons, NBC New York reported. What? "My melon was on the counter and it must have already been bad when I got it and the next day I came down to an awful smell and rotten melon everywhere," one person commented on a Facebook post about the phenomenon. Keith Schneider, professor in the Food Science and Human Nutrition Department at the University of Florida, said the explosions are "probably due to the heat. The fruit, if slightly damaged, can begin fermenting. If enough fermentation occurs, which produces gas, enough internal pressure may build up for the watermelon to crack or pop." And don't eat it! "The watermelon is undergoing decay, so it's best to bring it back to the store and get a replacement or just toss it," Schneider added. Put that melon in the refrigerator before and after cutting it, experts advise.

Ewwwww

Thomas Howie of Madison Heights, Michigan, has become "increasingly depressed" and "paranoid about food served by others" since a March incident at a Detroit Olive Garden restaurant, The Detroit News reported. Howie filed a lawsuit on Aug. 18 against the restaurant for "tangible and intangible harm" to the tune of $25,000 in Macomb Circuit Court, claiming that he ate a spoonful of minestrone soup with a foreign object in it. When he felt a "stab," he spit out the offending object, which appeared to be the foot of a rat with fur and claws. "My stomach just heaved; I threw up right in the restaurant," Howie said. "Until this happened, this was my favorite restaurant. I still can't believe it." Olive Garden isn't buying it: "We have no reason to believe there is any validity to this claim," a representative said. Howie had a tetanus shot to treat the cut in his mouth and took the foot to police.

It's Come to This

Suffolk (England) police have issued a special request to the town council as it considers its "Turning Our Town Around" project, the BBC reported. The area of focus, Arras Square, includes St. Stephen's Church and graveyard, which police say is a site with "high levels of crime" and antisocial behavior. In particular, the tombstones are being used "as tables to consume alcohol and drugs ... (and) sometimes the site of sexual activity." Police recommended that individual tombstones be enclosed or surrounded by small railings along the top edge to deter such activity. The council said the recommendation is under consideration.

Recent Alarming Headline

Sheila Ortega, 72, hadn't been heard from for about a month before her family requested a welfare check on Aug. 15 in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Sheriff Tony Mancuso told KPLC-TV that his officers "went to the house. No car in the driveway, no signs of foul play." Five days later, Ortega's family reported her missing, and that day, Christopher T. Cater, 41, was pulled over as he drove Ortega's SUV. The deputy asked Cater if he knew Ortega's whereabouts, and he said he had dropped her in Arkansas to visit some friends and was due to pick her up in a few days. On the following day, Ortega's van was seen in the parking lot of Prien Lake Mall, and deputies took a closer look, "finding her body in the car," Mancuso said. When they confronted Cater, he admitted to killing Cater about a month ago and getting several loans using her information. He said he was unsure what to do with her body. "We have never seen someone drive around with a dead body in the SUV for 30 days," Mancuso said. Cater's bond is pending.

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