News of the Weird: Week of December 14, 2023

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Awkward

Arnaldo Chamorro, chief of staff for Paraguay's Agriculture Ministry, lost his position on Nov. 29 after an embarrassing episode in which he signed a "proclamation" in October with the United States of Kailasa, Fox News reported. Trouble is, the USK doesn't exist; the fictional country is the brainchild of a fugitive guru, Nithyananda, who is wanted in India on several charges including sexual assault. Chamorro admitted during a radio interview that he was not familiar with Kailasa but said he signed the agreement because the country offered to help Paraguay with a variety of issues, including irrigation. News of the Weird has reported before (March 2023) about the posers, who have also fooled the United Nations and Newark City Hall in New Jersey, which signed a sister city agreement with the country.

The Way the World Works

Can't a grandma send her grandson home with an early Christmas gift without raising suspicions among the TSA? No, she can't. Actor Brett Gaffney headed back to Los Angeles on Nov. 25 after spending Thanksgiving in his native Kansas, People reported. At Kansas City International Airport, he said, "I got stopped at the airport security, and ... it was because of this briefcase my grandma gave me as an early Christmas gift, and she said don't open it until you get to California." Gaffney followed her directions, but TSA wasn't having it. "They asked me what was inside, and I said, 'I don't know, I don't know.' They said, 'What do you mean? You're bringing a briefcase and you don't know what's inside?'" Turns out, Gaffney's nana had gifted him a vintage Smith-Corona typewriter. "Who am I, Tom Hanks?" Gaffney joked. He continued his story on TikTok: "I didn't think I'd use this, but here we are. It's so calming. All I want to do is stay home and type on my typewriter." Thanks, Grandma.

Crime Report

After getting a Waffle House logo tattooed on his calf on Dec. 2 in St. Petersburg, Florida, 33-year-old Max Alexander Krejckant of Clearwater "refused all options to satisfy his debts," police said -- which amounted to $250. As a result, The Smoking Gun reported, he was arrested at the Ink Godz shop; police found only $6 and a driver's license on his person when he was frisked (although they noted he was under the influence of something). Krejckant bonded out and pleaded not guilty (huge Waffle House tattoo evidence notwithstanding). Wonder what the charge is for bad inking decisions?

Animal Antics

The mystery of who has been slashing tires in the southern Italian city of Vastogirardi has been solved, The Guardian reported. The wave of damaged tires began in July and ramped up again in October in the town of about 600 residents, forcing police to place undercover cops on patrol. Finally, they mounted surveillance cameras, and in late November, they collared their suspect: a dog named Billy, who was suffering from a painful case of gingivitis. "It is a peaceful village -- we knew it couldn't be anyone from outside as we are always aware of any suspicious movements," said deputy mayor Remo Scocchera. "It's a positive thing that the perpetrator wasn't a person in the village." Still, Billy's owner will probably have to pony up for the damaged tires -- not to mention dental work.

The Passing Parade

Rosemary Hayne, 39, lost her temper (and rice, and sauce, and everything else) when she berated a Chipotle manager in Parma, Ohio, and then threw a bowl of food at her in September, Food & Wine reported. Hayne tried to run out of the restaurant, but other diners captured her license plate number and contacted police, who arrested her on Sept. 5. On Nov. 28, Judge Timothy Gilligan offered Hayne one of two sentences for her "not acceptable" behavior: the standard sentence of a fine and 180 days in jail, or 60 days in jail and working 20 hours a week at a fast-food restaurant for two months. Hayne apologized to the court and the victim and accepted the custom sentence. "She could have punched me in my face or pulled a gun out," said the victim. "I'm lucky that I only got a bowl thrown in my face." She has found a job at another restaurant.

The Golden Age of Air Travel

Yeah, yeah, another flight diverted because of unruly passengers. This story gets bonus points: On Dec. 5, just before a Breeze Airways flight took off from Orlando, headed to Providence, Rhode Island, a couple on board got into a heated argument, News4Jax-TV reported. It seems the man was unhappy because he wanted to get off the plane -- which wouldn't have been such a big deal, but during the discussion, the word "bomb" came up. Passenger Rachael Corrigan said, "The people were talking about or claiming the other person had a bomb ... The people around them ... reported it to the airline, and they're obligated to land the plane." The pilot diverted to Jacksonville, Florida, where the man and woman were met by FBI agents and arrested. Breeze Airways canceled the flight.

News You Can Use

In Stenlille, Denmark, a vehicle fire also damaged a nearby house on Dec. 2, InShort reported. Police issued a warning to the community after the fire, cautioning people against using toasters under the front of cars to keep EV batteries warm. While there were no injuries, the car was heavily damaged, and the owner likely will have to pay a fine.

Least Competent Criminal

A 62-year-old woman from Haslett, Michigan, picked a poor time to dash through the self-checkout at Walmart with $700 worth of merchandise in her cart, WJRT-TV reported. On Dec. 2, as the store participated in a Shop With a Cop event in Genoa Township, a clerk notified one of about 75 police officers on hand about the shoplifter. "I do have to say it surprised me," said Michigan State Police Lt. Rene Gonzalez. "When you see 75 cops in the store, I mean, I don't know if maybe they thought we were too busy." The alleged thief was detained in the parking lot and taken to jail.

Nah, I'm Done

Joshua James Pinquet, 21, of Orlando, Florida, made an apparent sudden decision on Nov. 28 to quit his job, Iredell Free News reported. As he was driving a van with four prison inmates locked in the cargo area, Pinquet contacted his boss at the inmate transport company and said he was done. He was supposed to deliver the inmates to Hickory, North Carolina, but instead he kept going; when Iredell County sheriff's officers caught up with him, he was arrested and charged with second-degree kidnapping and larceny.

Saw That Coming

In Venice, Italy, on Dec. 3, tourists once again behaved badly -- and this time they ended up all wet. The Guardian reported that travelers from China were riding in a gondola through the city's canals, shifting around and standing to take selfies, when the gondola capsized, dumping them in the cold water. The gondolier had repeatedly asked them to stay seated, but as he maneuvered under a bridge, the vessel became unbalanced. He, too, ended up in the water, where he assisted his passengers to safety.

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