In July, motorist Charles Diez spotted abicyclist and 3-year-old boy (also on the bike in a seat outfitted forchildren) out for a ride on a busy street in Asheville, N.C. Diez pulled overand confronted the cyclist about the dangers of riding his bike with a childduring times of high traffic. When the cyclist started to walk away, Diezpulled a gun and shot at the man. A bullet hit the cyclist's helmet, but didnot injure him. Diez, charged with attempted murder, was sentenced to 120 daysin jail for his actions.
Least Competent Criminals
Could've Planned Better: (1) In November,Vincent Salters, 46, was arrested in East Knoxville, Tenn., after havingshoplifted shoes the day before from the Shoe Show store. Allegedly, Saltersdashed out of the store with several shoes in his hands and jacketbut anemployee said all the shoes were for the left foot, as the right-foot shoeswere on display in a separate part of the store. (2) Travis Himmler, 22, wascharged with burglary in November after allegedly stealing the cash registerfrom the Golden Wok restaurant in Bloomington, Minn., and carrying it away onhis bicycle. He was found down the street, injured, after taking a bad tumblewhen the dangling cash register cord got caught in the spokes of his bike.
Smooth Reaction
In October, just as Pennsylvania federal judge Lawrence Stengelwas launching into his explanation for the sentence he was about to impose,two-time bank robber Trammel Bledsoe grew impatient. "Can you hurry thisup? I don't have time for this," Bledsoe said. ("You'll have all thetime in the world," responded Stengel, who gave Bledsoe 41 years.)
Compelling Explanations
- From a police report in TheNorth Bay (Ontario) Nugget (Nov. 7): Anofficer in line at a traffic light, realizing that cars had not moved throughtwo light changes, walked up to the lead car to investigate. The driver saidshe was not able to move on the green lights because she was still on the phoneand thus driving off would be illegal. The officer said a brief lectureimproved the woman's understanding of the law.
- Being a Lawyer Is Easy: Jacob Christine, 21, acting as his own lawyerat an October hearing, denied charges that he severely slashed a fellow inmateat a prison in Easton, Pa. Instead, Christine offered his own viewof the perpetrator: "Whoever attacked (the victim) had a high regard forlife," said Christine, because the cut "isn't deep at all. It's onhis neck. It's not on his face."
Ironies
- When Minnesota's Riverview Community Bank opened for business in 2004,founder Chuck Ripka claimed divine inspiration. Ripka said that God had toldhim to "pastor the bank" and that, in exchange, God would "takecare of the bottom line." Thus, Ripka often used "prayer" as atheme in the bank's promotions. In October 2009, after failing to meet severalminimum capital requirements set by federal regulators, Riverview became onlythe sixth bank in the state to be shut down by the Federal Deposit InsuranceCorp. (FDIC). Riverview acknowledged that it had invested aggressively in realestate.
- Dr. Hulda Clark, 80, passed away in September of multiple myeloma, anadvanced cancer of the plasma cells. Before she was stricken, she had authoredthree books touting her eccentric remedies as curesfirst, for "alldiseases," and then, in particular, for cancer. In her books The Cure for All Cancers and The Cure for All Advanced Cancers, sheurged those diagnosed with cancer to immediately stop chemotherapy and embraceher quixotic regimens, to subdue the "parasites" that cause cancer.
Great Expectorations
(1) Charles Hersel, 39, was arrested in Thousand Oaks, Calif., inNovember after police investigators overheard him offering $31 to a Westlake High School boy in exchange for the boyspitting in Hersel's face. Several boys had complained to police that a man(allegedly Hersel) had approached them and offered money if they would expelsaliva and other bodily fluids on him. (2) Also in November, Chris Jackson, amember of the City Council in Plattsburgh, N.Y., was accused of spitting inthe face of a constituent at the height of a barroom argument about the BostonRed Sox. Said the constituent, "It got in my eye, on my face, on myjacket."
A News of the Weird Classic
In Las Vegas in November 2000, Nathan McKay, then 24,complained about the difficulty of getting proper medical carenamely, tofurther modify his body. McKay, who had surgery to create a forked tongue,couldn't find anyone willing to perform another surgery to prevent his tonguefrom fusing back together. The original surgeon was a family friend, but he hasbalked at any follow-up procedures. McKay, who also has 1-inch-stretched holesin his earlobes for holding ebony disks, said: "I want my tongue split…asfar back as possible, to the uvula, so I have two separate strands in my mouth.… I'm not trying to turn myself into anything except someone to remember."
© 2009 Chuck Shepherd
