Natives of the Erromango section of Vanuatu, anisland nation in the Pacific, recently held a formal "reconciliationceremony" with the great-great-grandson of a British missionary. When themissionary, Rev. John Williamsregarded as one of the most famous Christianmissionaries of the eracame ashore in 1839, islanders killed and ate him.Vanuatan legislator Ralph Regenvanu told BBC News that cannibalism wastraditionally a sacred warrior practice for "vanquishing a threat,absorbing the power of the enemy." Nonetheless, he said, the island haslong felt "guilt" about killing and eating Williams. In penitence, Vanuatusymbolically gave the Williams family a 7-year-old girl. The girl will not beeaten; instead, Williams' great-great-grandson, Charles Milner-Williams,promised to underwrite her education.
People With Issues
Kevin Derks, 53, of Kenosha, Wis.,swears that he has never touched an underage girl, though he admits to afixation on their “tenderness” and innocence. According to a detective, Derks'apartment appears to be a shrine to little girls. The walls of his apartmentwere covered with posters and photos, including snapshots of celebrity kids andlocal children, according to a KenoshaNews report. Allegedly, Derks also kept a bed full of stuffed toys and twoadolescent-sized mannequins posed in sexual positions with adult mannequins.Derks was arrested in November and charged with 20 counts of child pornographybased on some of his photos and videos. Derks allegedly said to detectives:"This was my own world. I knew what I was doing. I took a gamble. It'slike going to Vegas, except I lost everything. Now my ass is gonna fry."
Alcohol Was Involved
(1) While investigating a separate complaintabout an assault in November, the Seattle Police Department found a 25-year-oldman screaming in pain while impaled on a metal fence. He said he had run awayfrom a barroom fight and thought he was a "ninja warrior" capable ofleaping the fence. (2) Sean McDowell, 24, was arrested in Ashland, Ore.,after attempting to steal a 4-foot-tall stuffed giraffe from the front of achildren's store. A police officer had witnessed an inebriated McDowell grabthe giraffe and make simulated sexual movements, and then walk away, only toreturn 90 minutes later to try to snatch the animal for good.
Inexplicable
While reporting on Britain's oldest newlywedsin November (the husband was age 94, the wife 87), the Daily Telegraph also noted that, in 2008, Bertie Wood and herhusband, Jessie, of Falmouth, had decided to end their 36-year marriage.Apparently, the couple had reached a point where they felt they needed a freshstart. Both were 98 years old at the time. Jessie has since died, and Bertielives in a nursing home.
Unclear on the Concept
- Michael Yavorski, 52, who drew a three-month sentence in October forhaving twice fondled a 12-year-old girl and given her a beer, complainedthrough his lawyer that the sentence was too long. "The collateralconsequences for Mr. Yavorski here are tremendous," said the lawyer, inthat the negative publicity about the case might force Yavorski to close hisbusiness in Lower Nazareth Township, Pa.Yavorski runs an ice creamparlor.
- Almost every Thursday night, Jack Knowler, 61, and his girlfriend, BevRogers, enjoy themselves at Hanc's Bar in Bowmanville, Ontario, and then, knowing theirlimitations, leave their vehicles parked and call A Ryde Home, a local servicethat provides designated drivers. But on a recent Thursday night, according toa December report in the Toronto Sun,police ticketed Knowler and Rogers as they waited outside Hanc's for theirridethe tickets, with a penalty of $65 each, were handed out for beingintoxicated in public. "It's not a mixed message,” a police supervisorsaid. “You can't be intoxicated in a public place.”
We Have Rules!
(1) Shawnee Mission Northwest outscored thecompetition at the Kansas Girls State Gymnastics Championship in November, butfinished in third place because of a one-point penalty for a rule violation.The rule violation took place when the school's coach inquired about abalance-beam score outside of the five-minute "window" for inquiries.The two schools that were tied for second place were declared co-champions. (2)Environmentally conscious David and Katie France live 400 yards from theirrecycling center in Blandford, England. InOctober, they decided to carry their recyclables by hand instead of drivingtheir car the short distance. However, they were refused entry, based on a"safety" rule requiring that items be brought in vehicles.
A News of the Weird Classic (July 1991)
In May 1991, Maxcy Dean Filer of Compton, Calif., finallypassed the CaliforniaBar exam. He had graduated from law school in 1966 but had failed the exam 47straight times. (After opening a practice in Compton, he was suspended in 2007 for failingto pass the California Bar's Professional Responsibility exam. He remainssuspended.)
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd
