It is common knowledge that Americancorporations avoid taxes by running U.S.profits through offshore "tax havens" like the Cayman Islands and Bermuda. A May BusinessWeekinvestigation traced the specific steps that the pharmaceutical companyForest Laboratories takes to short the U.S. Treasury. Although Forest'santi-depressant Lexapro is sold only in the United States, the company's patentis held by an Irish subsidiary (and since 2005, shared with a Bermudasubsidiary in a tax-code hocus-pocus that insiders call the "DoubleIrish"), which allows the vast majority of the $2 billion a year Forestearns on Lexapro to be taxed at Ireland's low rate (and at Bermuda's rate ofzero). BusinessWeek estimates thatthe U.S. Treasury loses at least $60 billion annually by corporations'"transfer pricing"enough money to pay for the entire Department ofHomeland Security for a year.
Least Competent Police
In March, acting on department intelligence,four NYPD officers went to the home of Walter and Rose Martin in Brooklyn, N.Y.The officers broke a window as they worked their way inside the home to searchfor a suspect. The Martins, retired and in their 80s, were not involved in anycrime, and a police spokesman later admitted that officers had wrongly visitedor raided the Martins' home more than 50 times since 2002 because of a computerglitch. When the software was originally installed, an operator tested it bytyping in a random address; however, the address happened to correspond to theMartins' house, and thus the visits and raids began. The Martins say they havebeen assured several times that the problem has been corrected.
Least Competent Criminals
Recurring Themes: Eugene Palmer, 40, wearing aski mask and carrying a gun, was arrested in Brunswick, Ga.,in March as he tried to rush into a SunTrust bank during business hours only tobecome frustrated by the locked doorsin that it was a drive-through-onlybranch. (2) Danny Spencer, 31, and a partner were arrested in Bridgeport, Conn.,in December as they called attention to themselves by driving through the citydragging a half-ton safe they could not crack open at the Madison Auto storethey had just burglarized. (3) Ethan Ayers, 18, and a partner were arrested in Cedar Rapids, Iowa,in March after an alleged mugging. Police found them easily, as theirtransportation that night was a relative's van advertising in large lettering,"Big Earl's Goldmine," a Des Moines strip club.
Big Tips
After surveying 374 waitresses, professorMichael Lynn, who teaches marketing and tourism at Cornell University,concluded that customers left larger tips to those with certain physicalcharacteristics such as being slender, being blond or having big breasts. Lynn told TheCornellDaily Sun in May that his study was important in helping potentialwaitresses gauge their "prospects in the industry."
Government in Action
n In May in Ventnor City, N.J., volunteers started on aproject to finish new restrooms for patrons visiting the town's Atlantic shore.Throughout the summer, officials have continued to seek financial donations forthe projectincluding, apparently, naming rights. Said Commissioner StephenWeintrob, "How would someone like to have a toilet named after themselves,or a urinal or sink?"
n Californialaw requires parole agents to respond immediately if a sex offender's GPStagging device signals that he or she is in a prohibited area. But while thelaw passed with relative ease, it's proven much harder to implement. As ofJune, according to a San DiegoUnion-Tribune investigation, the state had fallen behind on about 31,000responses in Southern California alone.
A News of the Weird Classic
In May 1996, Minneapolis artist Judy Olausen debuted thehardcover photographic essay Mother,which featured Olausen's 74-year-old mom as a series of passive, subordinatecharacters. Images included her mother kneeling on all fours with a pane ofglass on her back ("Mother as Coffee Table"), lying alongside ahighway ("Mother as Roadkill") and sprawling at an entrance("Mother as Doormat"). "My brothers think I'm torturing mymother," Olausen said. "I'm immortalizing her."
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd
