Back in the winter of 2000, when the Brewers Winter Caravan stopped in my hometown of Manitowoc , then-Brewers TV play-by-play man Matt Vasgersian opened with a joke. “My good friend Bill Schroeder just finished his first book,” he told the audience, many of whom offered an impressed nod. “He enjoyed it so much, he wants to read another one as soon as possible.”
Ba-dum-dum.
But as it turns out, 16 years later, Schroeder has had the last laugh. This spring, Schroeder – along with long-time Brewers beat writer Drew Olson – published If These Walls Could Talk: Stories from the Milwaukee Brewers Dugout, Locker Room, and Press Box. The book is part of a series of pro sports franchise “insider” series from Triumph Books.
The book is a mix of personal insights from the ex-ballplayer and 20-year veteran of Brewers TV broadcasts Schroeder and stories about some of the team’s most memorable moments. Parts of the book come across pretty glaringly as filler – the Hall of Fame induction speeches of Robin Yount, Paul Molitor, and Bob Uecker are all included – and the oft-told biographies of those franchise giants and the stories of the 1982 and 2011 teams, also included in the books, are familiar territory for most Brewers fans.
Author Bill Schroeder.
Yet, Schroeder has some fun and interesting stories to tell. The book is most worthwhile – and it is worth the read, overall – when Schroeder delves into the behind the scenes tales of life in the big leagues. He make regular use of comparing his Major League experience as a middling backup catcher in the late 1980s with the day-to-day of modern players, but handles the comparisons without any trace of the grumpy old bastard tendencies of Goose Gossage and other ex-ballplayers who just can’t understand the kids these days. The prevalence of cigarettes, he claims, is one of the biggest differences, recalling the 1980s as a time when players hid cigs in their mitts to sneak drags in between innings and when rookies – Schroeder included – were tasked with stocking the dugouts with packs of Winstons and matches.
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Schroeder also shares tantalizing bits of gossip from his days both as a player and a broadcaster. He names (some) names, such as the long-time Brewer who went to a team party in drag and drew the lustful eye of a very drunken relief pitcher and the catcher he suspected of having taken a shit in his shaving kit as a prank (he also planted one in coach Frank Howard’s bed). He gives the origin stories behind some of the most colorful nicknames in team history. Glenn Braggs was known as “Moo-Moo,” as he was known to entertain ladies “until the cows came home.” Reliever Ron Villone was tagged as “Big Rig” after dancing rather intimately with a full-figured woman in Montreal . Reliever Al Reyes was nicknamed “Hot Nuts” by Bob Uecker, but – tragically – Schroeder does not know why. Perhaps the funniest story in the book involves third base coach Ed “Eddie Love” Sedar and hitting instructor Dale Sveum sneaking stark naked into Schroeder’s hotel bed. I won’t spoil the details.
Coaches Ed Sedar and Dale Sveum, who pranked their naked selves into Schroeder’s bed one evening.
But Walls is more than just poop pranks and Ed Sedar in the nude. Sections on the seemingly menial aspects of Major League Baseball – road trips, batting practice, and running the clubhouse – are actually pretty interesting. Particularly Schroeder’s breakdown of batting practice, which is a far more complicated exercise than it appears.
Even with its faults, If These Walls Could Talk makes for an interesting read for any Brewers fan and is a worthwhile first effort from Bill Schroeder. Hopefully, he liked enjoyed the experience so much, he’ll write another book someday.
