The Observers revertedto the national pastime Sunday, heading to MillerPark to see the Brewers play Texas. But as theywaited for the No. 90 bus, the world's obsession came up for discussion.
Frank: You look a little flushed. World Cup fever?
Artie: Out of all these countries, these are the best players?Nobody can put the ball in the freakin' net—and this is with a ball thatgoalies say is "juiced" in the first place. It's like we've got afront-row seat to watch Sisyphus try to push that rock up the hill. We knowwhat’s gonna happen, and it won't be success.
Frank: As we stand here, the World Cup has produced seven gamesand exactly nine goals. Bob Ley of ESPN used an interesting phrase after thescoreless first half of the Ghana-Serbia game—which Ghana eventually won on a penaltykick. He said, "You sense the coiled promise of offense."
Artie: So far, I sense that there's something better to watch onanother channel.
Frank: I like watching soccer, though I see why people would liketo see more scoring. But weren't you thrilled by the Americans'"victorious tie"?
Artie: Jeez louise, that English goalie! I could have stoppedthat shot with a cigarette in one hand and a cocktail in the other.
Frank: And I know why—you were told in Little League, "Getin front of the ball; let it hit you in the chest." Poor Mr. Green wasangled just enough that the ball skimmed off. And the next day Slovenia got a1-0 win because the Algerian goalie made the same mistake on a somewhat moredifficult shot.
Artie: If this is as good as the world's game gets, the world cankeep it.
Frank: This is truly a contact sport! When you see all thesereplays in close-up, you realize that it's like watching Bill Laimbeer againstMoses Malone in the paint. You see how much they maul each other on just aboutevery play. They're pulling jerseys, they're flinging elbows.
Artie: I guess there are some similarities between basketball andsoccer. The passing, the weaving, the flopping. But the only way basketballwould really be like soccer is if they raised the hoops to 30 feet, or used thesame circumference rims as they do in a carnival midway. Then the scores wouldbe exactly like soccer!
Frank: But how about that festive World Cup atmosphere? How doyou like those plastic horns the crowds are blowing constantly? In South Africathey're called vuvuzelas.
Artie: Sounds like a word you'd hear in a sex-education class,ain’a?
Frank: As in, "Voulez-vous vuvuzela avec moi?"
Artie: I can't imagine being at any of those matches and hearingthat blare continuously. It was driving me nuts on TV.
Frank: I hope those folks are wearing earplugs. But back to thefield: You can't deny that the lack of scoring makes every goalsuper-important. There's no shortage of drama.
Artie: True, but 5-4 would be more interesting than 1-nil.
Frank: I'm not sure what the soccer authorities can do. Call morefouls and penalties? But as we can see, just about every play involves a lot ofcontact. Fiddle with the offside rule? But that might produce too much"cherry-picking," like basket-hangers in hoops.
Artie: I say they should declare height and weight standards forthe keepers—a maximum of 5-foot-2 and about 120 pounds. I know! Hire retiredjockeys to play goal. That would do it.
On the Ride Home…
Frank: Not a good way for the Brewers to head off for a week onthe road—a 7-2 loss in a start by their best pitcher, Yovani Gallardo.
Artie: At least I wasn't at home downtown when the Blue Angelswere roaring all over the sky. Hey guys, go to Afghanistan and make yourselvesuseful instead of giving me a headache!
Frank: Almost makes vuvuzelas sound soothing.
Artie: Anyway, the Brewers are into a 12-game stretch againstwinning teams—Texas, the Angels, Colorado and Minnesota.I think they'll be mighty lucky to go 6-6 in that stretch, but even if they dothey'll still be 10 games under .500 with almost half the season gone.
Frank: Part of our prediction for the N.L. Central is comingtrue. The Cardinals are scuffling and their pitching is banged up, so it lookslike they can be passed. But the team doing the passing is Cincinnati.
Artie: And the other half of our scenario—Milwaukee pitching that improves enough tohelp the offense carry things—ain't happening.
Frank: Look at the team's rankings in the league through Sunday.On offense, they were seventh in batting average, fourth in runs, second inhits, doubles and homers, and third in drawing walks. But in pitching they weresomewhere in the bottom three in ERA, hits and homers allowed and walks issued.
Artie: Deja vu all over again. And there's one offensive rankingthat is lousy—next-to-worst in runners left on base.
Frank: Saturday night was strong evidence—12 LOB, including thetying and winning runs in the ninth. For all of their runs, the Brew Crew hassome big holes when it comes to hitting with runners in scoring position. RyanBraun, Casey McGehee and Rickie Weeks went into this week RISP-ing at well over.300, but Corey Hart, despite all his homers, was down around .200 and PrinceFielder and Jim Edmonds were well under that. Hart and Fielder left those finalrunners out there Saturday night.
Artie: Braun's overall average had been sinking steadily, but heshowed some signs of coming out of it during the homestand. Fielder's two solohomers Sunday were nice, but he's still way behind everyone's expectations.
Frank: And that raises a worst-case scenario. What if the Brewersare, say, in fifth place and 12 games out at the All-Star break? They mightstart thinking ahead and become "sellers" at the trading deadline—andthe biggest asset they'd have to offer is Prince. No matter what his 2010 statsare, the Brewers won't be able to afford him when he reaches free agency afterthe 2011 season.
Artie: On the other hand, trading him during this season mightnot get the Crew the best deal. The only "buyers" in July and Augustwill be contenders, so right away the market is limited. But next wintereveryone will be back in play, at least theoretically.
Frank: Besides, if they traded him this year, the fanswould go ballistic. That really would be waving the white flag.
Artie: Then again, with the season he's having so far, a dealthat would land two ready-made starting pitchers would be easier to swallow.But with the season he's having so far, I think other teams will rethink whatthey're willing to offer for him.
And Later That Night…
Frank: Hey, buddy, did you notice that Germanyexploded for a 4-0 win over Australia?
Artie: Just my luck. The one game that somebody figured out howto score, and I was watching the Brewers tally half as much as the Germans.
Frank: And speaking of 1-0 games, how about what happened atWrigley Field—a double no-hitter into the seventh inning that ends with theCubs barely holding off the White Sox? Another snoozer, huh?
Artie: Well, that's different. In baseball, 1-0 isn't the finalscore in 90% of the games. In baseball, 1-0 is a scintillating, spine-tinglingpitchers' duel—or it would be if it didn't involve the Cubs winning.
