Carmen Pitre: Helping Victims of Domestic Violence

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Photo by Tom Jenz

Carmen Pitre

Carmen Pitre

These are the kind of headlines I often see on Milwaukee’s television news or in newspapers: “Shooting near Holton and Meinecke. Police say it appears to be domestic violence related” or “24-year-old woman's homicide marks 8th domestic violence death in Milwaukee this year” or “It was a weekend of deadly domestic violence in Milwaukee. Police say one of the incidents resulted in a murder-suicide.”

A total of 96 people in Wisconsin lost their lives to domestic violence in 2022. Wisconsin ranks eighth in the nation for the number of women killed by men.

Not long ago, an inner city woman resident told me, “I just wanna know what is the root of this domestic violence problem. It’s crazy. What do we need to do out here as a community?”

What can they do? What can anyone do? One woman leader who has some answers is long-time victim advocate, Carmen Pitre, CEO and executive director of Sojourner Family Peace Center, one of Wisconsin’s largest service providers for people dealing with domestic violence. 

She met me at the Sojourner Family Peace Center, a red brick, two-story building on Sixth and Walnut. Through all the vital information she eventually shared with me, I could feel her intense vision shining through.

Pitre was raised in a small town, Cut Off, Louisiana, in the southern part of the state. Her mother was 13 when she married her dad (who was 18) and was 16,and at 16, she birthed Carmen. “My dad was violent,” she told me, “and my mother left us when she was 20. For me, she was an unknown presence but yet she was still inspirational because she escaped the abuse, and she later became a nurse. I graduated from South LaFourche High School and later earned my degree from Louisiana College of Lafayette.” 

Who was caring for you when you were growing up?

There was child welfare, and at times, I lived with family members, my grandparents and my great grandparents, but mostly with my great aunt. I moved around a lot. You might say, I understand the domestic violence victims we serve here at Sojourner because I’ve lived the life—sometimes terrified because of violence, having to move at a moment’s notice. I was also a childhood survivor of incest. 

Take me through your job career path and how you came to the Sojourner Family Peace Center.

I was an alcoholic from the age of 12 to 22. At the end of college, I went into treatment. My counselor said I needed to get away from my family in order to stay sober. On Christmas Eve day of 1984, I moved to Milwaukee in a 13-inch snowstorm. I stayed at a halfway house. I knew no one here. I got a job as a nursing assistant at a treatment center. I also did volunteer work at the Wisconsin Association of Children of Alcoholics. Eventually, I worked at Planned Parenthood in Capitol Court, working with women and girls who lived hard lives. Later in the 1980s and ‘90s, I was involved with the AIDS project. Heartbreaking human stories. Everywhere I went, I saw people suffering. Then, I landed at Milwaukee County, seven years in the Fighting Back project. It was mostly Black people. My mentors were Black. This taught me what keeps the city together, block by block, organization by organization. After that, I ran a city commission on domestic violence and sexual assault. When 9/11 happened, I decided to settle, find a job I could do for my whole career. In 2001, I took a job at Sojourner.

I believe Sojourner is Wisconsin’s most comprehensive service provider for families dealing with domestic violence. You are the President and Chief Executive Officer. How is Sojourner funded, and how many employees?

This year, we have a budget of $10 million, which comes from individual donations, corporate foundations, government and private grants. Around $3 million comes from government sources. Presently, we serve about 8,000 people per year. We raised over $26 million to build this Family Peace Center, and we moved here in 2016. We have 100 employees, about 65 full time and the rest part time. We also have 14 partners who office with us and who also deal with domestic violence issues. 

I understand your staff provides crisis housing, system advocacy, and individual support to thousands of women, men and their children. What exactly is “crisis housing and system advocacy?”

As for crisis housing, since 1978, we have run an emergency crisis shelter for women and kids who have dealt with violence. Some men, too. The shelter rooms are located in this building. Clients can stay with us for up to 120 days. For example, today we have 47 people. Three factors intersect to keep violence in place: housing insecurity, food insecurity, and children’s exposure to violence. One third of our clients own their own homes, but the biggest majority are living on an annual income of $15,000 or less.

We don’t own any houses, but we help find housing.

What about the concept of system advocacy?

Legal advocacy or system advocacy consists of us walking along side people as they navigate the criminal and family court system. For instance, if you are filing a restraining order, we help you file. We also help if you have a children’s court issue or if you were charged for acting in self-defense. We have advocates in every police district in Milwaukee County. We attend the domestic violence scenes with police, and we do follow up visits. Let’s say you are doing victim testimony in court. We offer confidential support, advocates who advise you to know your rights. Our high-risk teams help families impacted by homicides. We might clean up the scene and relocate the family, even help with funeral arrangements. We also work with the media on behalf of the families. In other words, we navigate the complexities that happen when you’ve been a victim of a crime.

I’ve done a number of stories on deadly domestic violence. In all cases, the perpetrators had been let out of prison before their sentences were finished, perhaps paroled or through a glitch in the process. How do these people get early release from incarceration?

A complex question. To start with, violence is a learned behavior. Often, when an incident has been reported to police, there had been many incidents gone unreported by the victim. The legal system does not always operate the way it should. Cases fall through the cracks, and perpetrators don’t get charged. There are so many players in the system, from police officers, public defenders, district attorneys, social workers, and on up to judges. If a case doesn’t get charged or the sentence is lenient, that sends this message: “I can do what I want.” We partner with the District Attorney’s office to add strength to their cases. But for the most lethal defenders, we do need a robust punishment system. 

I’ve had police officers and social workers tell me that even in a family of violence, kids would rather stay with their families than in foster care.

I agree with that. I went through this as a child. But at the beginning of the cycle of violence, we could have more resources for schools and neighborhood-based programs. Every workplace should have access to help for someone who is hurting or for someone who is hurting others. Every pastor in Milwaukee should be talking about the domestic violence issue. Research tells us that the kids who are witnessing violence in their homes will be committing violence when they become adults. Each neighborhood in this city should have a place for resources that residents need. This includes schools, churches, and neighborhood organizations who can help with domestic violence issues. Here at Sojourner, we offer help for people who walk in our building, but what are we doing for victims who do not walk in?

In Wisconsin, domestic violence is legally defined as “The intentional infliction of physical pain, injury or illness, sexual assault, or physical acts against a current or former spouse, habitant, or co-parent.” Do you agree with this definition?

Yes, I do, except that definition leaves out what they call in the field, “a boyfriend loophole.” Meaning what is left out is intimate partners who are not living together, dating relationships. When I train, I define domestic violence “as a crime between two people who live together now or have lived together in the past or have children in common.” 

People ask me why the cops don’t intervene in domestic violence. Police tell me their hands are tied when encountering family violence. Unless they see the violence actually happening, they have to walk away.

We are connected to some police officers who do make referrals. As a pilot project in Police District 4, we are accompanying police on domestic violence calls. 

I understand that you took on more than 1,000 domestic cases last year. Why is there so much domestic violence in the Milwaukee area?

Racism, sexism, and classism all contribute. Add to that the hatred of poor people, hatred of Black and Brown people, and hatred of women. These all intersect in ways that create barriers. 

And in those categories, there is hatred of each other. 

True, and also the generational passing of violence. The number one pillar is children’s exposure to domestic violence, when children see this dysfunctional behavior in their homes. Some of our survivors tell us that violent behavior is, and I quote, “our love language.” If violence is normalized, it will get passed down to the next generation.

Victims and their perpetrators need families and parents who stop that generational violence trend.

They need to be healed. We have a 12-week class for moms and kids who’ve experienced violence. Moms share their woundedness. We give them the healing resources to get to autonomy and self-determination. We also help their kids unlearn behavior patterns. We will be doing three12-week class cycles per year. We have lots of success stories. 

What is the Milwaukee County Domestic Violence High Risk Team and how does Sojourner fit in?

At Sojourner, we have the Lethality Assessment Program, which has worked in other cities. At the scene of a domestic violence crime, the police ask the victims 11 questions for future assessment. The high-risk team consists of Sojourner, the DA’s office, Department of Corrections, and the city police department. Based on the answers to those questions, team members assess the possibility of future violence. They meet twice a week and review 30 to 40 high risk cases. High risk cases include strangulation, unemployment, drug and alcohol abuse, and mental health issues, but the highest risk is unemployment. The team’s only purpose is to prevent a future homicide.

I understand that the Sojourner Family Peace Center keeps its own statistics on deadly domestic violence in Milwaukee County. What are the statistics on homicides this year or last year?  

In 2020, there were 52 domestic violence related homicides. 2021, there were 42. 2022 was about the same. 2023, high 30s.

But we have so many cases that are not deadly that we could be staffing every single case. That’s how much domestic violence is taking place in Milwaukee. Strangulation and brain injuries are prevalent. There are so many strangulations that the team can only work a case where a strangulation results in unconsciousness or loss of bodily function.

This piece of news kind of startled me: “Sojourner found two-thirds of people killed last year in domestic violence incidents had never requested help either from local law enforcement or from Sojourner.” Why would these victims not seek help?

I think these are intimate crimes that people won’t come forward about. There is fear and shame. We live in a victim-branded society. Many people of color won’t interact with the “system.” Many survivors are immobilized. If you are a Black woman, a poor white, or an undocumented victim living on $15,000 or less, where are you going to go? Every employer, school, or church should encourage you to come forward if you are being abused. 

I’ve had inner city residents and victims tell me there is a kind of unwritten social rule among them: “What goes inside the house stays in the house.” Have you heard that?

Absolutely. We had that rule where I grew up in Cut Off, Louisiana. “None of your business what goes on inside a house.” But I do believe that inside all of us we have a deep desire to connect. We don’t provide enough opportunities for victims to heal. 

Before I left the building, Carmen told me, “I’m in the afternoon of my career, and I’ve been doing this work for 39 years, 22 at Sojourner. I consider this human rights work. When I pass, I hope people will say that my life was spent trying to help others. I think this work is bigger than me, and I’m a servant to the work.”

For more information, visit the Sojourner website at familypeacecenter.org.