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Dear Ruthie,
Many people figure out their orientation later in life, and by all means, that is amazing! That being said, I am an out, proud member of the community. My sister has recently decided to jump on the bandwagon I was already on.
Married with a toddler, my once, self-proclaimed “hetero cis female” sister (her description; not mine) decided to make a statement to our family that she identifies as bisexual and always has. The problem is that’s not necessarily true. Two years ago, during one of our long phone calls, she said, “I feel bad I’m only an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community and not more than that.”
To which I replied, “That’s nonsense. Don’t you understand how important allies are to the community? We wouldn’t be here today without you!” It was a conversation I’ll never forget.
I know in my heart of hearts that she is 100% heterosexual and just trying to fit in with her friends, who are anything but hetero. Part of me wants to ignore it, another part of me is offended and yet another says to welcome her with open arms.
Help!
Offended Ofelia
Dear Offended,
While I can see how you might be offended by someone pretending to be a member of a community they technically are not, I’d take a different perspective on things if I were you.
This is your sister after all, and I’m sure you want what’s best for her so support her in her journey of self-realization. Maybe she’s bi; maybe she’s not. Maybe she’s questioning; maybe she’s queer. It’s up to her to figure that out, so support her during this potentially exciting time.
If she is, indeed, straight, her journey may be a lesson of “fitting in” for her. She might be on a path to discover the lengths she’ll go to feel belonging from a group. She might need to learn for herself why this acceptance is so important to her. If this is the case, she’ll hopefully realize the need to be true to herself versus the need to “fit in” as you put it. Regardless, she’s on her own journey and it’s up to her to figure things out.
Simply be supportive and be there for her as she maneuvers through this particular time in her life. You’ll never regret doing so, but you may regret not doing so!
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
May 22—"Cowboy Carter Show” at This Is It (418 E. Wells St.): Beyonce reigns supreme during this 18+ show that pay homage to her new album. Hosted by Princess Janelza, the fun starts at 10 p.m.
May 23—“A Night of Firsts” Fundraiser for Next Act Theatre at Broken Bat Brewing (135 E. Pittsburg Ave.): Come support one of the city’s favorite theater companies during this 5-9 p.m. party. Live entertainment, auctions, appetizers, cash bars and more make for a delightful evening. See nextact.org for tickets.
May 25 & 26—The Oddities & Curiosities Expo 2024 at The Baird Center (400 W. Wisconsin Ave.): Calling all lovers of the unique, spooky, interesting and weird! You don’t want to miss this showcase of artists, vendors, dealers and others…all focusing on the odd. From antiques, jewelry and vintage clothing to funeral collectibles, horror pieces and antiquated medical devices, there’s a nifty curiosity for everyone. Swing by showpass.com for details and passes.
May 26—Annual Grilled Cheese Fest at The Tap Yard (1555 N. RiverCenter Drive): Head over to Schlitz Park for this noon to 6 p.m. salute to one of America’s favorite sammies. It’s grilled cheese a go-go when some of Milwaukee’s most popular food trucks offer up their golden, cheesy best.
May 27—All Colors Are Beautiful: A Queer BIPOC Discussion Group at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (315 W. Court St.): Let’s support one another! This friendly social group strives to bring together Black, Indigenous, Latine, MENA/SWANA and AAPI folks. Sharing stories, supporting one another and celebrating each other’s successes make this 6-7 p.m. discussion a joy.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
