Art Kumbalek
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, here, post-election, feeling blue natch’. You betcha, the kind of shade of blue that reflects a deep dark despair, what the fock.
But now we got the Thanksgiving Day coming up in a couple weeks, probably on a Thursday, I’m guessing. But I’ll tell you’s, as George Carlin said, “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups,” and so Tuesday, Nov.5 will not be on my “thanks” list this year or any other. I’ll also be thankful that I’ve never had to tell a judge this: “But your honor, I swear I heard her say she was 18.”
So what kind of Executive Branch come the inauguration on January 20, 2025, can we expect that I should live so long?
Already, bandied about are choices that Donald Trumpel-thinskin may make in regard to his presidential Cabi-nut. As we all know, natch’, there are 15 executive departments all the way from Department of Justice, Department of State, Homeland Security, Transportation (please, can somebody, anybody make the No. 30 on the MCTS line reliably run on time?) to Labor (which I believe can include to eyeball your pissant-wage working guy and gal, but maybe not the gal giving birth).
And not to forget, Department of Health and Human Services with Robert F(erkakta) Kennedy Jr. rumored to be the head-case as exec, until health and human service become a remembrance of things past.
I wouldn’t mind one of those hot-shot U.S. cabinet jobs myself, as long as I didn’t need to clean or re-arrange it.
Stay on top of the news of the day
Subscribe to our free, daily e-newsletter to get Milwaukee's latest local news, restaurants, music, arts and entertainment and events delivered right to your inbox every weekday, plus a bonus Week in Review email on Saturdays.
Put me down as secretary over there by Department of Education. Yeah yeah, maybe I can reach across the long-long aisle that separates me from president-elect Orange Circus Peanut and somehow nab the gig that pays more than $200,000 each and every year (I can really use the dough). I’d tell him this in my interview: “As I would travel from here to fro on your government’s dime, the message I would deliver to our young scholars from sea-to-shing-sea in need of learning is to brush their teeth and stay in school. As a stable genius, such as yourself, I ask what good is education if not simple and easy, ain’a?
“And about this free-for-all hubbub about who gets to use a boys/girls rest/bath room to relieve themselves or sneak a smoke? Hey, how ’bout each and every student gets assigned some kind of individual Port-a-Potty like a regular gym-class locker and let these katzenjammers figure it out for themselves about who’s in, who’s out, ain’a?”
Could I be the kingpin over by the Department of Justice? I do not have any kind of law degree, but I have appeared in a court on occasion, so I imagine Dumbty-Trumpty may value that shared experience, what the fock.
But speaking of giving thanks, I thank you’s all for reading this schmutz I whip out to place on your platter. And your comments are taken to my scarlet heart and so much appreciated, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
