New Year: It's Time for a Change

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Ask Ally

Dear Ally,

It’s almost the new year—the time where we need to change. Every year, it gets harder. My problems remain the same. I need to lose weight, eat healthier and exercise on a regular basis. Yes, I’m in a rut. I’m tired of waging the same battle, but I don’t have the energy to change or do anything different. I feel lost and out of touch with myself. What can I do in the New Year that will motivate me to change and like myself again?

Lost

Dear Lost,

At this time, many people feel overwhelmed. The good news is that you’re ready for change. Being tired of our problems pushes us into doing something different. Once we begin making positive habits in our lives, we will feel better. Where do we begin?

It starts with how we think about ourselves and changing our mind set. How do we do that? It’s treating ourselves as our own best friend. When we change our thinking about how we see ourselves; it’s more than a new perspective. It’s a commitment to believe that we matter and that we are enough. 

Too often we keep old habits because we think that we don’t matter. No onewill notice. Not true. We all matter. We need to act like we do. 

We are enough, just the way we are. “Perfect People” in the media can make us feel inadequate. When we compare ourselves to others, we always end up the loser. Don’t do it. You are enough and always deserve to be treated with respect. No need to keep proving yourself. 

Shifting our mindset is accessing who we perceive ourselves to be and who we wish to become. That means consciously overriding the overt and subliminal messages we receive from our own culture, social media and sometimes even our most important relationships. It’s tough work. Let’s call it Daily Acts of Courage, instead of New Year’s Resolutions,

Maya Angelou, a noted writer, poet and Civil Rights activist, advises us, “Having courage does not mean that we are unafraid.  Having courage and showing courage mean we face our fears.  We are able to say, I have fallen, but I will get up”. 

She’s right. It takes a lot of courage to change, even something small about ourselves. We all have different levels of tolerance for dipping into the pool of uncertainty. Many of us prefer to cling to what we know, rather than take a risk. That’s what keeps us stuck. That’s also where we need courage to follow through on our changes.   

Before we get started, we need to ask ourselves an important question. 

What would we do differently if we did not judge ourselves?

When we judge, it stops us in our tracks from doing anything different; it’s being unfair to ourselves. That’s not being a friend.

It’s an Inside Job. First: begin to notice all the times you judge yourself during the day.  This includes your time alone and in conversations with friends, family and work colleagues. You’ll be amazed how often we judge ourselves. Next, find one word or action to distract your brain and kick out the judge that has invaded your thoughts. (Example: you can say “STOP” to yourself.)

Once you get the hang of it, hopefully, you’ll feel some relief and even feel proud that you’re on the right track. 

Set Yourself Up for Success by trying new behaviors in small doses. Rather than setting a goal of exercising seven days a week, shoot for three. If you want to lose 20 pounds, start with five. 

Find 3 small things a day that give you joy and do them. More joy gives us a boost to try different things. Now we’re ready to develop three-five Daily Acts of Courage goals, 

Once we learn how to take care of ourselves, we’ll be able to start making the world a better place. Maya Angelou offers important guidance, “Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for someone else.” 

Bring it on, 2024 ... we’ll be ready! 

Here for you,

Ally