Dear Ally,
Ask Ally
COVID did a number on me. I can’t seem to get rid of feeling isolated from everyone around me. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. This happened before COVID, but now, it’s even worse. All my friends have partners and enjoy hanging out in groups. I’m alone and not seeing anyone, and don’t do well in a crowd. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. And in this mood, who wants to be with someone like me? I feel stuck and definitely different from my friends. No one can figure me out and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I definitely need to do something different. I feel lonely all the time, like a broken record, playing the same song over and over again and I can’t stop it. Please help.
Stuck
Dear Stuck,
COVID did a number on a lot of us, so you are definitely not alone there. Many folks are feeling very similar to you. Cut yourself some slack.
This is difficult when we are bombarded with only online photos of happy situations. That’s not realistic. Try not to judge yourself or compare yourself to others. You will never come out ahead. Instead, trust that you are enough and try to start the process of self-acceptance. This is hard, but it will serve you in the long run. Comparing yourself to others will always dismantle the self-acceptance process. There’s been a lot of attention toward social media and loneliness. If you’re spending more time on apps, rather than connecting with people you like or enjoying activities that give you joy, this can make you feel more isolated.
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You’ll find that the more we accept ourselves, the more fun we’ll have socializing with the right friends. The second step in the self-acceptance process is becoming our own best friend. I can tell that you’re caring and compassionate. Get in the habit of doing that for you.
Sometimes we spend our whole lives wishing we were different without really knowing ourselves at all. “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are,” author and podcast host Brene Brown wrote. How about checking in with yourself before accepting a social invitation? If it sounds fun and interesting, go for it. But if your gut is telling you, it won’t be good for your soul, it’s OK to enjoy your alone time. Sometimes Netflix or a good book is just what you need.
Loneliness is a very serious issue and is now considered a national epidemic. Feel free to reach out to a therapist or coach for support in figuring this out.
Following toxic thoughts will sabotage the self-acceptance process. Practice letting these thoughts go. You can’t do it all in one day, but you can start. When negative thoughts about yourself come up, say to yourself, “I’m not going down that path.” Try to think of something else immediately. It will get easier and easier with practice. Eventually, you can tune these thoughts out. You don’t need them. They will only lead you down a rabbit hole of self-loathing. These thoughts don’t do anyone any good. Let them go.
As Brene Brown also said, “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”
She’s right. You belong here and were given a space that only you occupy wherever you go. It’s yours. You own it. You belong in that space, and you deserve every inch. Know in your heart that you’ve been given a unique gift to the world, and you will make your contribution. Hopefully, you’ll meet friends that appreciate you and will help you along the way.
You can continue the process of self-acceptance by immersing yourself in nature. Nature is a total judge- free zone where you can wander and begin to love yourself and own your story. Go there and find peace.
I have full confidence in you,
Ally
Send your questions to AskAlly@shepex.com.
