“Do you pray?” a client asked me. It’s a legitimate question in the context of therapy, but I found myself hitting the mental pause button. The word “pray” has many divergent meanings, and a simple yes-or-no answer would gloss over those important distinctions. More on my answer later.
“How about you?” I asked her in return.“I silently speak to Jesus,” she replied. “I petition Him to bless and protect me and my family. And, sometimes, I ask for some blessing in life, like when my daughter was trying to get a college scholarship, and for my husband when he was having heart surgery.”
At its extreme, petitioning prayer is reflected in the notion of “prosperity theology,” a belief among some Christians that faith in god will afford them wealth, health and security. For them, the Bible is a contract between god and humans. If we keep our end of the bargain (have faith and live righteously), then the almighty will deliver material well-being and good health.
Petitioning prayer is common, regardless of one’s theology. At some point, most of us have beseeched the almighty, often during a time of duress. As sailors say, “There are no atheists in a storm.”
When I posed this same question to another client, his reply was distinctly different. “Yes, I pray, but I don’t ask for anything specific,” he told me. “Instead, I simply ask the Lord to help me fulfill His will, whatever that might be.”
“What if your Lord’s will is that you contract a fatal disease or lose one of your children?” I asked, playing devil’s advocate. “Nobody wants that, but I trust God will lead me where I need to go in this life,” he replied.
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Both of these modes of prayer, while different in their aims (one requests something while another asks that god’s will be done), utilize a traditional approach—speaking to an invisible almighty. This is a communication style that seeks to replicate some semblance of a person-to-person interaction, one that personifies the deity in question. So, when people say they pray, many of us assume that “talking to god” is their modus operandi. But prayer comes in other guises.
Spiritual Consciousness
For some, it is not about speaking to one’s higher power, but rather abiding with a divine presence. As another client put it, “In prayer, I simply want to reside in the house of my Lord.” For her, prayer involves placing one’s self in a context (church, temple, natural setting) and state of mind that evokes god’s presence. However, speaking with or petitioning one’s higher power are not part of the process. It’s less about doing something with god, and more about just being with god.
Individuals who employ this kind of praying (often through meditation, contemplation or mystical rituals) don’t seek to be heard by their higher power. Rather, they desire the experience of divine grace, the feeling that one has stepped away from the narrow confines of the ego and into the transcendent unity of spiritual consciousness.
Some who seek to abide with rather than speak to god employ expressive means. Chanting, singing, rhythmic dance, ceremonial rituals, fasting and even psychoactive substances are used to achieve this spiritual consciousness. Then there are those who see daily life itself as a form of prayer. For example, some Native American cultures believe every thought, feeling and behavior can constitute prayer. “Eating, walking, talking ... everything I do is sacred, a prayer in motion,” one Lakota woman told me. “I honor the Great Spirit with each moment and action in my life.”
In large part, one’s approach to prayer is shaped by intention. People pray to request something (healing, salvation, good fortune), to give thanks, to surrender to god’s will, to feel the presence of the divine, or to imbue all their actions with sacred meaning.
As for yours truly, in answering my client’s question (“Do you pray?”), I decided to paraphrase Mahatma Gandhi, and said: “For me, prayer is not about asking. It is a longing in my soul.”
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