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Thanksgiving—time to count our blessings. But, some blessings are easier to count than others. Giving thanks for the good happenings in one’s life reflects a mindset called an “Attitude of Gratitude.” It’s a commendable and beneficial one to possess. Grateful people are happier, more content with their lives, generally focused on the positives and experience greater overall well-being.
However, that attitude of gratitude is a tough sell to folks who believe they’re cursed and victimized by fate or others—not to mention those who are simply insufferable, entitlement-laden brats. If one feels worked over by life, the idea of blessings seems remote, if not laughable. In contrast, for those living a gilded existence, largely free of adversity and tragedy, it’s much easier to bow one’s head in thanksgiving. It is when life proves unkind that being grateful becomes a challenge rather than simply a socially polite gesture.
Married for close to three decades, Candace and Ned exhibited the stark difference between gratitude born of good fortune compared to that forged in the fires of adversity. Growing up poor but in a loving family, Candace lost her mother when she was a teen, largely raised her younger siblings and struggled financially to get a college degree. So, when stricken with cancer late in her 40s, she was no stranger to tough times. “It sounds odd, but I’m thankful for the adversity I went through early in life, painful as that was. In a way, it prepared me to take on this new challenge,” she told me.
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Just Gliding Through Life—Until…
Ned, however, grew up affluent and privileged, virtually gliding through life until, in his 50s, he endured a serious accident—one that left him hobbled and grappling with chronic pain. “Before the accident, when asked to count my blessings, I had a long list, but I didn’t really appreciate how fortunate I was,” he explained. “Now, I feel like life has turned against me.”
Once his easy-come gratitude was swept away by the impact of the accident, Ned descended into hardened bitterness. His wife’s efforts to offer her perspective, one suggesting we are better off finding what good we can in bad circumstances, only stoked his anger and self-pity. As he saw it, his prior good fortune was like an existential bait-and-switch. “Yes, I lived a blessed life until recently. Problem is, that left me with the impression that fate was on my side. When things went south, I felt suckered and betrayed,” he confessed.
Finding something to be thankful for in adversity is not a common attribute. Painful setbacks and challenges put us at an existential fork in the road; one where we choose to look for a silver lining in that dark cloud, or, instead, focus on all the rain and thunder that comes with it. Not an easy choice for many. So, life’s difficulties and wounds test the depth and fortitude of one’s gratitude. Clearly, expectations often provide a pivot point in this regard. With folks like Candace, who have struggled mightily, that expectational bar is usually set far lower than for people like Ned. But, it’s more than keeping one’s expectations in check.
When those who have little or have suffered much gaze back at a seemingly indifferent or even adversarial world and still find the strength of character to say “thanks” to life, they offer a powerful lesson to those who feel shortchanged or victimized by existence. They show us that genuine gratitude does not arise from having your way or getting what you want. It comes from knowing that, even when life gives one little, somehow, gratitude turns “not much” into “enough.”
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