“The game is rigged,” Ned told me. He wasn’t referring to a table at the casino or Wisconsin’s approach to drawing legislative districts.
“I’ll give you one example. We all imagine if we had a particular something or someone, that would make our lives better and bring happiness. That motivates us to work to get what we want. But the truth is, you can’t know if something will give you more happiness until you actually have it,” he explained.
Sure, we all realize nobody can foretell the future. We also know, from research, that people are really crappy at predicting what will make them happy. So, as Ned suggested, we create stories in our minds about which person, possession, situation or experience will make us happy. And we’re wrong more often than not. Many people, upon obtaining their presumed key to the happiness kingdom, whatever that might be, discover they miscalculated.
“So, how are rational beings supposed to make good decisions about the future when all they can do is guess, and usually guess wrong?” he continued.
Pursuing that magic whatever or whomever in hopes of upgrading one’s life gets people into lots of gnarly spots. The classic example is marriages that end in divorce or—sometimes worse still—drag on miserably. Surveys show most betrothed couples harbor high expectations for the positive impact marriage will bring to their lives. And well over half of them later realize they were wrong, with many concluding matrimony worsened their well-being.
“You see, life is set up to guarantee we make a lot of bad choices. It’s designed to mess with our lives,” Ned maintained.
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He offered other examples, of course. “Everybody thinks a good education and hard work are the keys to success. But, in almost every instance, there is luck involved. Some other schmuck who did all the right things crashed and burned instead, or never even got off the launch pad, because of a twist of fate,” he asserted.
Ned is an angry fellow. He feels life is patently unfair and designed to create suffering and disappointment. His mindset attracts him to the theory that our universe is a highly-advanced game simulation, a form of entertainment for a technologically superior yet somewhat-sadistic being or species.
After a bit of digging, I discovered the source of this middle-aged man’s seething discontent. Death. Specifically, the tragic death of his teenage daughter at the hands of a drunk driver. “We all die, and if the game was fair, we’d precede the people we love the most. But that’s not how the universe works, at least not for many of us,” he lamented.
As Ned sees it, death is the ultimate example of a rigged system. We don’t choose to be born into this mortal life, but we have no choice but to exit it, often not on our terms. “You get attached to people, to things in life, and then you lose it all by dying. Everything you ever loved or cared about, gone,” he concluded.
Obviously, there are plenty of people who view life more positively. Folks who adhere to various religious or philosophical tenets attach entirely different interpretations to the same events Ned views as proof of a rigged existence.
Our experiences shape how we perceive life, and the death of Ned’s daughter sculpted his perception deeply and painfully. Others who have suffered this agonizing loss adopt entirely different perspectives. Some devote themselves to positive causes, find solace in their faith or re-dedicate themselves to family and friends.
Regardless, one can make a case, as Ned does, that life isn’t fair. All of us skew that way at times, but feeling consistently victimized and cheated by the game of life is a tough way to transit existence.
You end up cheating yourself out of some measure of happiness.
