By virtue of personality or temperament, some folks adapt to social isolation better than others. Ironically, some of the most adaptive tendencies are not widely encouraged by our society. Yet, in our present circumstances, they provide a distinct advantage.
As you might expect, first of these is introversion. In her book, Quiet, Susan Cain describes the many ways our culture undervalues this personality trait. For one, she points out the lofty value placed on teamwork and collaboration, particularly in schools and workplaces, even though introverts are often most creative and productive when operating solo.
So, when a pandemic requires social isolation, introverts find this more palatable than their gregarious counterparts. Not that they don’t value and enjoy interacting with others . . . most do. However, they relish alone time, in part because it affords greater control over their environment and experiences. The appeal here is clear, as it comes at a time when control has been wrested from most of us. During a pandemic, one cannot control external events, but one can manage one’s mindset, attitude and mood. And it’s easier for introverts to pull this off because, for them, solitude and loneliness are not synonymous. As my sister often advises during stressful times, “Stay in your own life.” Introverts are facile in pulling that off.
Another helpful trait is curiosity. Lifelong learners relish acquiring new knowledge and skills. So, for such people, imposed isolation provides an opportunity to learn new stuff. They read, watch educational videos, listen to podcasts, have engaging discussions, and acquire new skills, such as a second language, a musical instrument, pottery, painting, woodwork, knitting, or some other engaging pursuit. During social isolation, absent this essential curiosity, one is confined to repetitive behaviors and habits; sort of running in place. The result? Tedium.
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Being contemplative is another adaptive attribute. During social distancing, those who meditate, pray, journal, practice mindfulness or perform some other inward-looking discipline, often increase time spent in such pursuits. Those contemplatives who, in normal times, live busy lives, often struggle to carve out time for their introspective practices. Our current circumstances, while clearly unwelcome, afford these folks expanded opportunities to look inward.
Time Passing
Then there is one’s mental timekeeper. We don’t measure the feeling of time’s passage with our clocks. We do it with our brains. Sometimes, we feel like time is whizzing by, while, at other junctures, it seems like watching paint dry. When it comes to the perception of time passing, most folks lock into a default mode. And, in our society, the most common default mode is hurry sickness. The majority of us are chronically stuck on fast forward. So, when normal life comes to a screeching halt, time slows, often leaving hurry sick folks bored and agitated.
Because they favor a life in motion, when the speed limit of our days goes from interstate to school zone, the hurried often feel frustration. Slower folks, while in the minority, are fine with a more leisurely pace. They often putz around, take long walks, read for hours on end, languish in the tub, and go with the flow of happenings. And, right now, unless you work in an essential service, that flow is slow.
Some other character traits that bode well for adapting to the new abnormal include behavioral flexibility, resilience, and realistic optimism. Mentally flexible folks bend rather than break, finding it easier to adjust around change rather than bang into it head on. Resilience allows one to bounce back from adversity, and while some come by it naturally, more often, it is an aptitude acquired by weathering challenging life experiences. Realistic optimism is a mindset that balances hope with realism, bridging the gap between “The sky is falling!” and “What, me worry?”
To successfully navigate social isolation, one need not have all these traits. However, without any of them, it can feel more like prison and less like sanctuary.
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