Halloween Fowl Play
In Ouachita Parish, La., chicken owner Stephanie Morse told KNOE-TV on Oct. 18 that she is not going to be deterred from dressing up her chickens for Halloween, even in light of the warning from the Centers for Disease Control about exposure to salmonella. More than 90 people in 29 states have been infected with an antibiotic-resistant strain of the bacteria after coming into contact with raw chicken products. Dressing up live chickens might also cause people to be exposed to the germ. “Don’t kiss your birds or snuggle them,” the CDC warns. But Morse clucks back, “I just like to put a sweater on them to keep them warm and comfortable.”
Largest Colectomy Ever
The University of Kansas Cancer Center just wants its colon back. The $4,000 giant inflatable colon that is used to educate the public about colon health was stolen from the bed of a pickup truck on Oct. 19. The Kansas City Star reported it was scheduled to appear at a run/walk event at a local park the next day. Kansas City Police are hoping the public will help find the 150-pound, 10-foot-long colon and return it to its owners.
Tea Time in Minnesota
Helen Washington, 75, of Brooklyn Center, Minn., faces charges of second-degree assault with a dangerous weapon after she ran out of patience on Oct. 12 with her grandson, who continued to put his teacup without a saucer on her furniture even after she repeatedly asked him not to. After dumping his tea out, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported, Washington left the room, apparently to get a gun. Meanwhile, the grandson had made a new cup of tea and put it on the furniture, as usual, sans saucer. The argument resumed, and Washington pulled out the .38 Special, shooting her grandson. She told officers at the scene she didn’t think she should go to jail; a judge ordered an evaluation to see if she’s competent to stand trial.
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When Pig Heads Fly
Beagle Brigade K-9 officer Hardy probably thought he’d hit the jackpot when U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents discovered an unusual item in a passenger’s luggage at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson Airport on Oct. 11. Fox5 reported that something smelled suspicious to Hardy, so agents opened the bag of a traveler from Ecuador to find… a pig’s head. “This seizure at ATL illustrates the tremendous expertise of our four-legged K-9 partners in protecting the United States,” gushed Carey Davis, CBP area port director of the Port of Atlanta. No doubt to Hardy’s distress, the pig’s head was removed and destroyed.
Hose: 7, Kelly: 0
When Denver Broncos backup quarterback Chad Kelly wandered into a suburban house in Englewood, Colo., early on the morning of Oct. 23, he didn’t appear to pose much of a threat, according to ESPN News. He sat down on the couch next to the female resident, who was holding her young child, and began “mumbling incoherently,” police records showed. But the man of the house, thinking quickly, shooed the 24-year-old Kelly out with nothing more than a vacuum hose. Kelly, who had been at a Halloween party with teammates, was later found sitting in his car about a block away. He was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass, but the real shame is how Kelly hosed his own career: On Oct. 24, the Broncos released him.
The Krispy Kreme Caper
Police officers in Clearwater, Fla., shared their good fortune on Oct. 16 after they recovered a stolen van filled with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, reported the Tampa Bay Times. The van was stolen almost 200 miles north of Clearwater, in Lake City, where the store manager donated the sweet cargo to the officers, who shared their treats with local homeless people. Evidently the resulting sugar coma impaired the officers’ ability to hunt down the doughnut-stealing delinquents, as he, she or they are still on the run.
Ewww!
William Friedman, 68, of Franklin Township, N.J., told police officers when he was apprehended that his weird practice of dumping his grandson’s used diapers around town “almost became a game.” Friedman had been disposing of the soiled nappies along several roadways over the past year, until an officer spotted him at 3:15 a.m. on Oct. 21 making another deposit. Not only is the littering disgusting, but officials told the Associated Press that a motorcyclist crashed in June after running over a diaper Friedman had tossed out. He was charged with interference with transportation and faces up to $1,000 in fines.
© 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
