News of the Weird: April 12, 2018

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Pizza Piousness

Around 4:30 a.m. on Thursday, March 22, High Point, N.C., 911 dispatchers received a surprising call from someone telling them he had broken into a business. “Yes, hello, this is Jesus Christ, and I just broke into the Pizza Hut. Jesus is here, he’s back to Earth. I just broke in and had a pizza. I’m Jesus, and because I’m Jesus, I can do whatever I want.” Or so claimed 46-year-old Richard Lee Quintero of Greensboro, according to WFMY TV, who also informed dispatchers, “Everybody’s been treating me mean.” High Point police officers arrested Quintero the Christ and charged him with breaking and entering and larceny.

Millennial Matrimony

It’s been a twisty, U-turny road for Brittany Ann Koerselman, 19, and her first—and soon-to-be second—husband, Jeremie Rook, 24, of Little Rock, Iowa. The two originally married in 2014, when Koerselman, then 15, was pregnant with Rook’s child. But they divorced when she was 18. “He just wasn’t ready to be all of that,” Koerselman told Metro News. “The parent, the husband, the responsible person. He just wasn’t ready for that.” She said she and Rook have gotten back together and split up seven times since their divorce, but they can’t stand being apart, so they’re planning a “fucking princess wedding” for this summer. “The last time I got married, I got swollen on the way to Missouri… it’s a six-hour drive, so my shoes didn’t fit,” the once-and-future bride recalled. “We’re reusing the old engagement ring. He’s different this time,” she told (herself).

Least Competent Criminals

• When an intoxicated man arrived at the Delaware State Police Troop 1 station in Wilmington on Tuesday, March 20, looking for a ride home, officers thought he looked familiar. Turns out he was Christopher McDowell, 34, a suspect in a Thursday, Feb. 22, shoplifting incident at a local Kohl’s store, according to the News Journal. McDowell was charged with shoplifting, arraigned and released on $1,000 bail, after which he made a phone call to a friend for a ride—his shoplifting accomplice, April Wright, 48, who was arrested and charged upon arrival to pick up McDowell.
• Shannon Dean Egeland, 43, of Kuna, Ore., was found guilty Wednesday, Feb. 28, in an elaborate scheme to delay a prison sentence and collect insurance. The Idaho Statesman reported that shortly before Egeland was to begin a 10-year jail term for his role in a $20 million housing scandal, he acquired a disability insurance policy and then talked his 17-year-old son into shooting him in the legs with a 20-gauge shotgun. The injury from the blast would not only delay his prison term, but Egeland would also be able to collect on the new insurance policy. After his son shot him, Egeland called police and said he’d been assaulted, but police became suspicious when they found Egeland’s wallet and BMW were still at the scene. U.S. District Judge Anna J. Brown tacked three years and 10 months of additional time onto Egeland’s original sentence. Egeland also lost his left leg due to the damage caused by the shotgun.

Canadian Crisis

In Toronto, a group of animal rights advocates started protesting outside a restaurant called Antler in early December. By March, the protests had grown, and Antler’s co-owner, Michael Hunter, had had enough of the “Murderer!” signs and “You’ve got blood on your hands!” chanting. So, on Friday, March 23, he told the Toronto Globe and Mail, he decided to protest the protesters. “This is who we are and what we do,” Hunter claimed. He explained that he went in the back of his restaurant, grabbed a deer leg, a cutting board and a large knife and took them all to the large plate glass front window, where he proceeded to butcher the meat while the protesters looked on in horror. As a result, Hunter and the protesters are now trying to open a dialogue, and reservation requests at Antler have actually increased.

© 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION