News of the Weird: Feb. 13, 2020

Expand

News of the Weird newspapers illustration

Don’t Hog the Bacon!

Gregory Seipel, 47, of Ludlow Falls, Ohio, was arrested on Thursday, Jan. 30, after being accused of attacking a man with a knife during an argument over… bacon, WHIO-TV reported. The unnamed victim told Miami County Sheriff’s officers he had made bacon that morning for breakfast, and Seipel took issue with the amount he had eaten. The argument escalated until Seipel allegedly grabbed the victim by the back of the head and held a razor blade to his neck, cutting him. Seipel was charged with felonious assault and was held on $50,000 bond.

Scent of a Manish Ram

The Times of India reports that Soni Devi, 20, of Vaishali District, petitioned the state women’s commission on Thursday, Jan. 9, for divorce from her husband of two years, Manish Ram, 23, complaining, “My husband stinks as he won’t shave and bathe for nearly 10 days at a stretch. Moreover, he doesn’t brush his teeth. He also doesn’t have manners and follow etiquette. Kindly rid me of this man; he has ruined my life.” Commission member Pratima Sinha told the Times, “I was taken aback by her silly reasons,” but nonetheless, the commission will give the husband “two months’ time to mend his ways. If his behavior is not found satisfactory even after that, we will refer the matter to the family court for separation.” Manish reportedly promised to “mend his ways.”

WTF, TCF?

Sauntore Thomas, 44, of Detroit, presented three checks at his bank on Tuesday, Jan. 21, that he had received as settlement in a race discrimination lawsuit against his former employer, according to the Detroit Free Press. But, instead of accepting the (perfectly legal and legitimate) checks, TCF Bank in Livonia, Mich., where Thomas was a long-established customer, summoned police and initiated a fraud investigation. Thomas’ attorney, Deborah Gordon, told the Free Press, “Obviously, assumptions were made the minute he walked in based on his race.” Thomas finally closed his existing accounts, left the bank and deposited the checks at a different bank without any trouble. The next day, Thomas filed a lawsuit against TCF Bank alleging race discrimination and asking for unspecified damages and an apology from the company.

Vicarious Valentine’s Vengeance

If you’d like to get a special gift for an ex this Valentine’s Day, Centre Wildlife Care in Port Matilda, Penn., has just the thing. In exchange for a donation to a fund for restoring local bat populations, the rescue organization will name a mealworm after your ex, and Betsy the large brown bat will eat it. Donate more than $45, and you’ll receive a personalized video of Betsy devouring the treat. “Essentially, people will be naming the mealworms after someone they don’t like,” executive director Robyn Graboski told WTAJ, “and we will feed them to the bat.”

False Alarm

In the fall of 2018, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement launched “Fortify Florida”—an app intended for students to anonymously report suspicious activity. Since then, more than 6,000 tips have been received statewide, but school officials are feeling mostly frustration, reports WFTS in Tampa. Indian River County Superintendent David Moore said students will “complain about the flavor of the food in the cafeteria.” Pasco Superintendent Kurt Browning said, “The number of kids entering bogus tips is consuming a great deal of resources. ‘There’s a coyote in my front yard,’” was one example.” Indian River County authorities spent hours investigating a report of a student planning to shoot up a high school, only to find out it was a revenge report for a recent breakup. Florida lawmakers are considering a bill to allow authorities to track tipsters’ IP addresses and prosecute those who submit false information.

SWAT-ing Stafford

David Baird of Yukon, Okla., took up arms against his neighbor, John Stafford, after Stafford went on a bizarrely violent rant on Wednesday, Feb. 5, KFOR reported. Stafford assaulted the neighborhood for 12 hours, throwing garbage into Bairds’ yard and trying to break down a fence using his Roomba vacuum cleaner. As he and his family took shelter in their home, Baird warned Stafford, “If you break through this fence, I will have to shoot you.” Finally, the bomb squad and SWAT team were called in, and Stafford barricaded himself inside his home, making six calls to 911 during the ordeal. “I am going to run you guys into the fucking ground!” he said during one. “OK, have a nice night,” the dispatcher replied. Eventually officers released cans of pepper spray to budge Stafford from his house. He was charged with planning an act of violence.

© 2020 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION