News of the Weird: June 13, 2019

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What’s in a Name?

Police in Lincoln, Neb., responded to a call on May 21 about a domestic assault. They didn’t find the suspect, identified as Markel Towner, 26, in the residence, but someone who matched his description was sitting outside in a car. When questioned, the man said his name was DeAngelo Towns; however, that didn’t quite match with a lanyard around the man’s neck, which clearly bore the name “Markel Towner.” After some resistance, KETV reported, Towner was finally subdued and arrested on a variety of charges.

Cocoa Nuts

Around 1:40 a.m. on Thursday, May 9, as an unnamed Cocoa, Fla., homeowner slept in her garage, a black Cadillac crashed into the structure, missing her by only inches, according to the 911 call. The Cadillac was stolen, it turns out, and was fleeing an Orange County Sheriff’s Office patrol vehicle—which was also stolen and being driven by someone impersonating a police officer. After the crash, WFTV reported, the imposter patrolman continued trying to pull over vehicles before speeding away. The patrol SUV was later abandoned behind a shopping plaza in Cocoa.

Pikachu, I Love You!

The Pokémon Company has made Japanese brides’ dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom. Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokémon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper! Finally, UPI reports, for your scrapbook, you’ll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokémon imagery—surely an item you’ll want to preserve in a licensed Pokémon photo frame.

Urine for a Refund

An unidentified man in Tuscumbia, Ala., did what so many of us do every day: He went online to Amazon to order some household items. But when his package arrived on May 23, he was alarmed to discover a urine sample from a private citizen, not the shower curtain and rings he’d ordered. “When I reached in and pulled it out, (it was) some kind of urine specimen or something like that,” he told WHNT. An Amazon representative said the company was “very sorry” about the mistake. The company didn’t ask him to return the mistakenly sent package.

Principal Studying Anatomy

While students at Holy Family Catholic School in Port Allen, La., took a field trip to Washington, D.C., to learn about our nation’s founding and visit historic sites, their principal, Michael Comeau, had another kind of sightseeing in mind. In the pre-dawn hours of May 31, police were called to Archibald’s Gentleman’s Club in D.C. after “an intoxicated man refused to pay his bill,” according to the arrest report. The Advocate reports that officers found Comeau, 47, standing in a roadway, “refusing to move.” He was arrested for public intoxication and possession of an open container of alcohol and immediately resigned his position as principal—as well as his role as a reserve police officer at his local police department.

Not Quite All Terrain Vehicle

For reasons that remain unclear, a local police officer drove a beach patrol ATV into a marsh on Tybee Island, Ga., on May 31, where it became stuck in the mud. Officials with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources (DNR) say the officer then used a City of Tybee pickup truck to try to free the ATV, but the truck also became stuck. City workers next attempted to pull both vehicles out using two backhoes, which also succumbed to the marsh. An excavator was finally able to free one of the backhoes from the muck, but the Coastal Resources Division of the DNR reported to WSAV that it will likely take a barge and crane to extricate the other three vehicles. Tybee city officials are conducting an investigation.

Karaoke Kerfuffle

Don’t mess with Texas, or with 41-year-old Doris Vallejo-Godoy of Austin, who pulled a gun on a man at La Catedral del Marisco, a Mexican restaurant, according to an arrest affidavit. The June 2 scuffle began as a disagreement about who would be up next to sing karaoke, the Statesman reported. The man told police that, as they argued, Vallejo-Godoy struck him, then pulled out her gun and pointed it at him. She also threatened a waitress who tried to intervene, the affidavit said. Police arrived as Vallejo-Godoy was arguing in the parking lot with her girlfriend; she was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and unlawful carrying of a concealed weapon.

© 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION