News of the Weird: September 23, 2021

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Awesome!

It was 1928 when Virginia Oliver, age 8, started trapping lobsters, and she hasn't stopped working the harvest yet. Oliver, now 101 years old, is a sternman on her 78-year-old son's boat, which bears her name. In that role, she measures and bands lobsters, but Oliver, of Rockland, Maine, also loads traps with small fish to attract lobsters and gets up before dawn to head out to sea. The Associated Press reported that a couple of years ago, a crab nipped her finger and she had to have seven stitches. When the doctor asked Oliver why she was still lobstering, she snapped back, "Well, that's 'cause I want to do it." Oliver has no plans to retire. "I like being along the water. And so I'm going to keep on doing it just as long as I can."

Weird Science

Animal behavioral scientists at the University of Auckland in New Zealand, responding to the critical problem of livestock waste, have trained calves to urinate in a MooLoo -- a special pen with an AstroTurf surface, the Associated Press reported. Perhaps you didn't know that urine mixed with feces makes ammonia, which is an issue for the environment, or that cows produce an impressive amount of urine in a day: about 8 gallons. About the potty-training endeavor, the study's senior author, Lindsay Matthews, said, "The cows are at least as good as children, age 2 to 4 years, at least as quick." Researchers lured the cows into the pen with a sweet treat and then rewarded them when they urinated. If, after training, they went outside the MooLoo, they got a squirt of cold water. Next up: No. 2.

Undignified Death

Timothy Satterlee, 71, of St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, was attacked on Aug. 30 by a 12-foot-long, 504-pound alligator during flooding following Hurricane Ida, the Daily Beast reported. His wife told police she was able to free him from the gator and pull him onto the front steps of their home, but while she went to get help, Satterlee disappeared. The parish sheriff's office said on Sept. 13 that it had captured the gator with "what appears to be human remains" in its stomach. The coroner's office was confirming that the remains were Satterlee's. "This is a horrible tragedy and my sincere condolences and sympathy goes to the Satterlee family," Sheriff Randy Smith said.

Oh, Canada

In the small town of Durham in Ontario, Canada, an unidentified driver sealed his fate on Sept. 15 when, at about 1:45 a.m., he began driving a red Cadillac in slow circles around the parking lot of the Durham Regional Police station, CTV News reported. An officer inside the building noticed the car and went outside, asking the driver to stop. "The driver did not comply and continued to drive slowly in and around the parked police vehicles while flashing his headlights," police said. Finally, two cruisers boxed him in and stopped the car. The driver was arrested for driving while impaired.

Least Competent Criminal

A 17-year-old driver in Youngstown, Ohio, was pulled over by police after he ran a stop sign and drove at high speeds on Sept. 15, WKBN-TV reported. When police spoke to the nervous young man, they smelled what they thought was marijuana, and in the car they found a device that is used to load ammunition into a semi-automatic firearm. They also noticed that his belt was unbuckled. The teenager explained to police that the device belonged to his sister, and regarding his belt, he said, "I ain't gonna lie, I was trying to take a s--t." But police also searched the area where he had been driving and found a 9mm handgun in a yard. Finally, the suspect admitted that the gun was his and, presumably, he had been trying to hide it in his waistband. He was charged with improper handling of a firearm in a motor vehicle.

Irony

Philip Morris International, maker of Marlboro and Parliament cigarettes, has sealed a deal with Vectura, a U.K.-based company that makes medicines -- including inhalers for respiratory conditions -- with a $1.1 billion bid. The BBC reported on Sept. 16 that PMI's CEO, Jacek Olczak, is "excited" to expand the company's product lines, but medical organizations and charities are less than thrilled about the purchase. "It creates perverse incentives for PMI to sell more of its harmful products so they might then profit again through treating smoking-related diseases," said Sarah Woolnough, CEO of Asthma UK and the British Lung Foundation. The agreement is set to be final on Sept. 30.

Fine Points of the Law

On Sept. 13, a road rage incident in Amarillo, Texas, all started when Car No. 1 tried to pass Car Nos. 2 and 3. No. 1 got past the first car, but No. 3 sped up to prevent the pass. As Car No. 1 passed No. 3, someone in No. 1 fired shots into No. 3. "The victim in this case did have a handgun in their vehicle and returned fire at the suspect," Amarillo police Cpl. Jeb Hilton told KVII-TV. And here's where Texas' tricky law comes in: While it is against Texas law to shoot a firearm from a moving or stationary vehicle on a roadway, if you're shooting in self-defense, you're off the hook. The person in Car No. 3 will not face any charges. There were no injuries reported in the incident.

Ewwwww!

Shirley Wright-Johnson was shopping for pizza rolls in an Oklahoma City Crest Foods store on Sept. 12 when she literally put her hand in it: As she reached into the frozen case to pick up the rolls, "I grabbed the bag, I felt something smushy on the bag, so I turned it over and there it was," Wright-Johnson told KFOR-TV. "It" was human feces. "I was so disgusted I was almost in tears," she said. Moore, Oklahoma, police investigated, checking store video cameras, where they saw a man in "the cooler section, where he proceeded to defecate inside one of the coolers before leaving the business," said Lt. Kyle Johnson. The suspect was apprehended and booked into the Cleveland County Detention Center on unrelated charges, police said.

Here's one way to swear off fast-food burgers: Estefany Benitez of Santa Cruz de la Sierra, Bolivia, visited her favorite burger chain, Hot Burger, on Sept. 12 and got an extra topping with her sandwich: a rotting human finger. The Daily Mail reported that Benitez bit into the burger and felt something unfamiliar, then pulled the finger out of her mouth. While the restaurant "carried on serving customers like nothing had happened," Benitez said, a company representative told her the burgers arrive at the store pre-prepared. But later, Edson Claure, director of the National Police's Special Crime Fighting Force, confirmed that a company employee had lost part of his finger at work. It's not lost anymore!

Sign of the Times

The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board is having to take drastic measures in response to a supply shortage of hooch in its state-run stores, The Morning Call reported. Starting on Sept. 17, liquor stores will have a two-bottles-per-day limit on a long list of specific products, including bourbons, tequilas and champagnes. The PLCB said the limit will remain "for the foreseeable future."

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