News of the Weird: Week of December 7, 2023

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Awesome!

Get those pens and pencils -- OK, Google forms -- ready! The Tampa Bay Times is inviting readers and anyone else around the world to submit their grievances, the best of which the Times will publish to celebrate Festivus on Dec. 23. United Press International reported that this will be the eighth year for the Times' Airing of Grievances. The custom is one feature of the holiday, which was introduced on a "Seinfeld" episode in 1997. (You might also remember the unadorned metal pole and feats of strength.) Happy Festivus, everyone!

Precocious

Ann Arbor, Michigan, police chased a stolen 17-ton forklift through city streets for an hour on Nov. 25, NBC News reported, in what they called "a very dangerous situation" -- especially so, since the driver was a 12-year-old boy. The boy allegedly found the construction vehicle outside Forsythe Middle School with the keys inside. While no one was injured, the forklift struck 10 cars as it crawled through neighborhoods with law enforcement in pursuit; at one point, officers warned other cars that he was "lowering the hooks -- don't go in front" of it. The boy was taken into custody and moved to a juvenile detention center.

The Passing Parade

"I'm having it my way!" appeared to be the message from a large inflatable Burger King Whopper that came loose outside a restaurant in Newberg, Oregon, and took off through the windy streets. KOIN-TV reported that the sandwich began its journey around 7 a.m. on Nov. 11 and crashed into a smoke shop before hitting an American flag and another business. Amy Kepler of the Newberg Police Department said that strangely, they didn't receive any 911 calls about the burger, and no injuries or damage were reported to police. "It happened very quickly and did not affect traffic," she said.

Unconventional Weaponry

Sandra Jimenez, 44, is cooling her heels at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center in Miami, Florida, after she attacked her boyfriend of eight years on Nov. 25 at their home, Fox35-TV reported. According to the victim, as the couple argued about him "looking at other women," Jimenez allegedly jumped on him as he lay on the couch and stabbed him in the right eye with one of her dog's rabies shot needles. She then left the house, and he called police, who took him to the hospital. Officers later found her asleep in a vehicle outside the home and arrested her for aggravated battery. Jimenez told them her boyfriend's injuries were "self-inflicted."

Government in Action

Iris Logan, 70, converted her front yard in St. Paul, Minnesota, into an expression of her individuality more than 30 years ago, the Associated Press reported. But the city inspector is fed up with her stones, statues and decorative art and has given her until Dec. 22 to clear it out. "I'm a rock lover," Logan said. "If I see a rock I like, I try and roll it in my car on a 2-by-4." A petition supporting Logan gained 150 signatures. "It's not just about aesthetics," said Justin Lewandowski, a community organizer. "It's about our identity and how we, as residents, engage with each other and with city policy."

Kansans, emboldened by their vote to keep abortion legal in 2022, have spoken again: On Nov. 28, Gov. Laura Kelly announced that the state will halt production on the "ugly as sin" new license plates that were supposed to roll out in 2024. Fox News reported that some drivers balked at the design because it too closely resembled the University of Missouri's colors; others thought the gold-and-black plate was Kelly's nod to New York, her home state. Others called it "slapdash and dull." The governor promised a future public vote on possible new designs.

The Continuing Crisis

Only in 2023. On Nov. 28, as a big gust of wind whirled through Washington, D.C., the fully decorated National Christmas Tree was blown over, WUSA-TV reported. The National Park Service had to replace a snapped cable and install reinforcement cables and concrete blocks to secure the tree, but the lighting ceremony went on as planned on Nov. 30.

The Golden Age of Air Travel

A woman flying from Orlando to Philadelphia on Nov. 20 on Frontier Airlines apparently couldn't hold it another second, WKRC-TV reported. "Sorry, everybody," she said in a video captured by traveler Julie Hartman, before pulling her pants down and squatting in the aisle to urinate. According to the woman, she had been told by a flight attendant that she couldn't use the restroom; one woman on the video can be heard saying, "That poor little boy" about a child sitting next to the spot where the woman squatted.

Wait, What?

A 35-year-old man from Vietnam went to the hospital in Dong Hoi on Nov. 24 with severe headaches, fluid discharge and loss of vision, Metro News reported. When doctors did a CT scan, they discovered two broken chopsticks that were penetrating into his skull from his nose. Apparently, the man had been in a fight several months before and didn't remember much about it -- but said he thought something might have been stabbed into his face. Surgeons removed the chopsticks, and the patient is recovering.

Yikes!

As a man in Xiamen, China, used the "smart" toilet in his home on Nov. 10, he first smelled smoke -- right before the toilet burst into flames. He didn't have time to pull his shorts back up, but he did manage to capture pictures of the toilet with flames emerging from the bowl. Oddity Central reported that the owner believed a short circuit was to blame; other incidents of toilets bursting into flame in China have been reported over the last two years. Burning ring of fire, indeed.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Christopher Boyd, 32, was riding in a car on Nov. 27 in Evansville, Indiana, when it was pulled over for an obscured license plate, The Smoking Gun reported. Boyd was patted down, and officers found a "small bag with multiple pills" in his sock. Boyd told them he uses Percocet for pain from a bullet lodged in his spine. Police noticed he "tensed up" when being searched in his groin area; they asked if he had anything stuffed in his groin or buttocks, and he said he did not. But when they arrived at the station, Boyd was "walking with a limp and appeared to be clenching his buttocks." A trip through a scanner identified a large object -- a Smith & Wesson handgun of about 5 inches in length -- in his rectum. (The manufacturer does claim the pistol is "perfectly suited for concealed carry" ...) It was not reported whether the weapon was loaded. Boyd also had two plastic bags of marijuana "tucked" next to his scrotum. He was booked into the Vanderburgh County jail.

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