News of the Weird: Week of July 25, 2024

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Saw That Coming

Dustin Ebey, 35, a middle school math teacher from north Texas, has thrown his hat in the ring in a big way: He changed his legal name to Literally Anybody Else and is running a write-in campaign for president of the United States in Texas (where he didn't get enough signatures to get on the ballot) and Tennessee (where he did get enough). ABC13-TV reported that Else has revealed his running mate, Neal David Sutz, a New Yorker who is currently living in Switzerland. Else said Americans deserve better than the divisive, partisan electoral system we currently have. "This name gives everybody something to point to, to channel, that being to one movement, to one message that could hopefully have a meaningful impact," Else said.

It's Good To Have a Hobby

The force is definitely with these folks in Mexico City -- students of the Jedi Knight Academy, who meet in a park four nights a week to practice their lightsaber dueling skills, the Associated Press reported on June 21. "When students arrive, some of them drop the saber," said instructor Ulises Vazquez, who's known as the Jedi master. He said they go on to become "excellent athletes and excellent lightsaber fighters and fencers." The sessions, which last three hours, are based on Jedi and Sith teachings. Vazquez and his best friend, Gabriel Mendoza, opened the academy in 2019, at which point lightsaber dueling had already been recognized by the French Fencing Federation as an official competitive sport.

Walgreens: The Lost Hours

When police in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, were called to a Walgreens store around 3 a.m. on July 15, they could see a man inside helping himself to a pack of Newport cigarettes, WESH-TV reported. They talked Christopher Morgan through unlocking the front door and asked him if there was anyone else in the building; in apparent confusion, he replied that he didn't know. "I came in here to use the bathroom," he explained -- but that was more than five hours before, around 9:40 p.m., when security footage showed him entering the restroom. He didn't come out until 2:42 a.m. When police asked him what time he thought it was, he said, "Probably 11 o'clock." While locked in the store alone, Morgan feasted on junk food: Tostitos spinach dip, chips, Reese's and Ghirardelli chocolate and Dr Pepper. Morgan resisted arrest and spit on an officer; he was charged with burglary and larceny-petit theft.

The Aristocrats

During a visit to the Channel Islands on July 16, King Charles III took some time to bestow a special honor, the Associated Press reported. A rare golden goat breed found on the island of Guernsey will now have the title of Royal Golden Guernsey Goat, which will apply to the breed anywhere in the world. "Hopefully this will raise awareness for the breed," said Rebecca Martin, the owner of a specimen the king met. The king reportedly favored the goat with a compliment about its pale blond coat.

Great Art?

At the "subversive" Museum of Old and New Art in Tasmania, three paintings displayed in the women's restroom, and billed as works by Pablo Picasso, have been revealed to have been created by another artist: museum curator Kirsha Kaechele. The Associated Press reported on July 12 that the paintings had hung in the women-only "gallery" for three years. "I imagined that a Picasso scholar, or maybe just a Picasso fan, or maybe just someone who googles things, would visit the Ladies Lounge and ... expose me on social media," Kaechele said -- especially because she accidentally hung one of the works upside-down. The Ladies Lounge originally offered high tea, massages and champagne served by male butlers. The idea, Kaechele said, was for men "to feel as excluded as possible." But when the Tasmanian Civil and Administrative Tribunal ordered the museum to allow men in, Kaechele installed a working toilet in the space and called it a restroom. When The Guardian asked Kaechele about the authenticity of the Picassos, she confessed that she had painted them.

Bright Idea

A 33-year-old man named Jing, from the Hubei province in China, has put technology to work for him, the South China Morning Post reported on July 13. When he suspected that his wife, Wu, was having an affair with a co-worker, Jing used a drone to follow her. Jing said his wife became "cold" to him last year; she also changed her position at work and "visited her parents" more often. The surveillance revealed that Wu went to a remote area, where she walked hand-in-hand with a man and disappeared for about 20 minutes into a dilapidated mud house. "Her other man is her boss," Jing said. He plans to use the footage in a divorce case.

Awesome!

At a zoo in Liaoning province in China, a pair of penguins tied the knot in early July with all the traditional trimmings -- and they already had the suits! The South China Morning Post reported that the event was held in the birds' pavilion, with the standard red "double happiness" character, eight banquet tables filled with fish and shrimp, and dozens of penguin guests. The breeder gushed that he had watched the couple "getting to know each other, falling in love and then walking down the aisle together."

Hanger Pains

As Sam's Club workers in Atlanta prepared to close the store on July 10, a family of three women arrived two minutes before closing time, hoping to order two whole pizzas, WSB-TV reported. Workers told the women it was too late and tried to summon a manager, but before they could, Andreana McKnight, the mother, moved into the kitchen and punched Cierra Monroe in the face. The daughters also came into the kitchen, joining the fight; other customers tried to break things up. Monroe said the blow to her face left her with a scar and she would like more security in the store. "I just feel like we need to have security from the moment we open to the moment we close, every day, seven days a week," she said.

Enough Is Enough

The South Zanesville (Ohio) Fire Department has had enough of Kesha S. Kennedy, 34, who pleaded guilty July 12 to felony disrupting public services, felony making false alarms and 25 counts of misuse of 911 systems, WJBF-TV reported. Officials said that starting in 2020, Kennedy called 911 nearly 400 times -- multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day -- hampering their ability to service people with actual emergencies. Workers at Genesis Hospital were forced to triage Kennedy every time she arrived, although she was repeatedly told there was nothing wrong with her. Kennedy had a record of similar behavior in four other Ohio counties; she will be sentenced at a later date.

Irony

Honest Abe Auto Sales in Indianapolis is settling a lawsuit for bait-and-switch tactics, falsely advertised prices and preying on customers with poor credit ratings, the Indianapolis Star reported on July 17. More than 250 customers who were taken in by the misnomer are now being paid back to the tune of $471,000. "The fact that they call themselves 'Honest Abe' just makes the facts of this case especially rich," said Attorney General Todd Rokita.

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