News of the Weird: Week of March 23, 2023

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Donald Matthew Santacroce, 65, really wants to go to federal prison. To that end, on March 6, he entered a Wells Fargo bank branch in Salt Lake City and handed the teller a note: "Please pardon me for doing this but this is a robbery. Please give me $1. Thank you." According to KSL-TV, the teller handed over a dollar and asked Santacroce to leave, but instead he sat down in the lobby and waited for police to arrive. During his wait, he mentioned that it was a good thing he didn't have a gun, because the police were taking so long. At that point, the manager ushered employees into a locked back room. The arrest report noted that Santacroce said that "if he gets out of jail, he will rob another bank and ask for more money next time" so that he'll be sent to federal prison.

Bonfire of the Vanity Plates

Maine's vanity plate free-for-all is at an end. The state's review process for custom license plates was effectively ended in 2015, after which residents could -- and did -- put nearly anything on the tags, including profanities. Lawmakers have now had enough: The state is reestablishing a review process and recalling hundreds of "inappropriate" plates, NBC Boston reported. But resident Peter Starostecki wants to know: What's inappropriate about soy products? The state recalled his plate, "LUVTOFU," because it "could've been seen as a reference to sex instead of admiration for bean curd," as NBC put it. Starostecki is one of 13 motorists to appeal their plates' recall so far, all of which have been denied. Secretary of State Shenna Bellows said vehicle owners can still express themselves -- but that they should do so with bumper stickers, not state-issued tags. "We have a public interest in keeping phrases and words that are profane or may incite violence off the roadways," she said. So, Maine motorists, consider yourselves safe from tofu-induced road rage. For now.

It Was a Cuticle Emergency

Pop quiz: If you crashed your car into a building, what would you immediately do? Maybe call emergency services? See if anyone was hurt? We're betting you wouldn't answer with "get a manicure next door to the place I just destroyed," but that's what an Ontario woman did earlier this month. Per CTV News Toronto, which obtained security footage of the incident, a Jeep plowed into the storefront of Guilty Pleasurez Dezzert Cafe on March 3, shattering windows and destroying merchandise. Thankfully, the bakery -- owned by siblings Tanvir and Simran Bawa -- was not yet open for the day, and no one was inside. Tanvir rushed to the scene after getting a frantic call from the pair's mother, while his sister got the news from a worker at KC's Nails and Beauty Shoppe, the nail salon next door to Guilty Pleasurez. The employee told Simran that the driver was inside KC's, getting her nails done. Tanvir told CTV that he spoke to the driver: "I was like, 'Are you OK?' ... and she's just giggling. She's like, 'Yeah, I'm fine.'" His sister added, "I'm telling you, this whole time, not one single apology from them. ... This is pretty much my bread and butter." Simran said the bakery had sustained "serious structural damage," but that their insurance provider was requiring the shop to stay open for the time being -- despite the shattered glass and a front door that doesn't fully open. In the kind of understatement only Canadians can pull off, Simran said, "It's not been the most pleasant time."

All the Cool Cats Are Doing It

If you saw the phrase "cocaine cat" trending recently, here's why: A wild cat that was captured in Cincinnati tested positive for exposure to cocaine, NPR reports. In events only recently made public, a big cat named Amiry escaped from his owner's car during a police stop in January. Soon after, local dog wardens started getting calls about a possible leopard stuck in a tree. Responders retrieved Amiry, brought him to a shelter and called in an expert. Per NPR, "The expert suspected Amiry was actually a serval: a long-legged, big-eared wild cat that is native to sub-Saharan Africa and illegal to own in Ohio." A DNA test confirmed that hunch -- and also found narcotics in the cat's system. (After an incident last year involving a monkey on amphetamines, the shelter now tests all "exotic" animals that come through its doors.) Amiry is currently living at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden. He suffered a broken leg during his ordeal, but is recovering well, says lead trainer Linda Castaneda. "Amiry is young and very curious," she said. "He is exploring his new space and eating well." No charges have yet been filed against Amiry's former owner, but the case remains open.

Lookin' For Love

Sometimes, even the self-appointed top bachelor needs a little help. Robert Siegfried, 43, of Janesville, Wisconsin, was tired of dating apps and decided to try a new tactic, reports WISC-TV. He took out a billboard featuring a photo of himself; next to that are the all-caps words "DATE ROBERT" in what some might call a desperate shade of red, followed by "Wisconsin's #1 Eligible Bachelor." The sign states that Robert is "looking for a local, honest woman." Said lucky lady can reach him at the number plastered on the billboard. If you do reach out to Robert, you might want to ask him about the restraining order that was put in place against him last year, according to online court records, which is set to last for four years. Meh, that's probably nothing to worry about. Get dialing, ladies!

Free the Torsos!

• According to Berlin's local government, everyone will soon be allowed to go topless at the city's public pools, regardless of gender. Up till now, women who bared their breasts at Berlin pools were asked to cover up or leave, and were sometimes even banned, reports NBC. After a local woman filed a discrimination complaint with a government office for equal treatment, the Berliner Baeder-Betriebe (which runs the city's public pools) decided to update its policies. Doris Liebscher, the head of the office involved, praised the decision because "it establishes equal rights for all Berliners, whether male, female or nonbinary, and because it also creates legal certainty for the staff at the Baeder-Betriebe."
• Owners of Club Castaway, a strip club in Whately, Massachusetts, are looking for a way to stand out in a "saturated" market, Boston.com reported. So they've decided to transition their business into a topless cannabis dispensary. "We do have some experience on the cannabis side and some on the nudity side," said co-owner Nick Spagnola. "We want to replace this nightclub scene and alcohol with something that is harmless in comparison." Club Castaway shut down during the pandemic and has not yet reopened; details and licenses for its new incarnation are still being worked out.

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