News of the Weird: Week of May 11, 2023

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Bright Idea

Eco-activist Rob Greenfield has stopped using toilet paper, and he wants you to, too. People reported on May 4 that Greenfield is touring the country as part of his Grow Your Own Toilet Paper Initiative, introducing people to the blue spur flower plant. The leaves are "soft as can be," he said. "They're durable. I call them the Charmin of the garden." Greenfield sets up a compost toilet in a busy area and gives his spiel: "Hey, did you know you can grow your own toilet paper? I want to show people that another way is possible. We just buy (toilet paper) at the store and we never think twice about it." Each leaf is about the size of a piece of toilet paper, and the plant supplies an abundance of them. They can't be flushed, but they can be thrown in the trash or buried in the yard. Passersby who get sucked in will also hear Greenfield's views on composting human waste rather than using flush toilets.

Field Report

Nina Jochnowitz was alerted on April 26 by a fellow citizen in Old Bridge, New Jersey, about an odd deposit near a stream, NJ.com reported. When Jochnowitz investigated, she found 500 pounds of cooked pasta -- spaghetti, ziti and elbow macaroni -- dumped along a 25-foot-wide area. She posted photos on Facebook and alerted the town administrator and public works department, and two days later, the carb-y mess had been cleaned up. Jochnowitz pointedly remarked that Old Bridge is the only town in the county without bulk garbage pickup. Days later, the mystery of the pasta's origin was solved: A man moving out of his mother's home after her death discovered a stockpile of dry noodles and allegedly dumped them there. A weekend's worth of heavy rains softened the pasta, making it look as if it had been cooked. Old Bridge's mayor declared no harm, no foul, and the few stray noodles left on the ground are the only sign of the great pasta caper.

Fine Points of the Law

The Ohio Supreme Court ruled on May 3 that a man who was serving eight to 12 years in prison did not, after all, commit a burglary. In September 2020, Donald Bertram approached the home of Timothy Huff as Huff was working in his yard, The Columbus Dispatch reported. Bertram walked into Huff's open garage, picked up a $500 leaf blower, got in his car and drove away. But the court said that because Bertram committed the act without "force, stealth or deception," it wasn't a burglary. Instead, justices told Scioto County Common Pleas Court that he could be charged with misdemeanor criminal trespassing. Sentences for misdemeanors typically result in less than a year in jail.

Awesome!

From the too-good-to-pass-up file: Photographer Ken Pretty of Dildo, Newfoundland, had the extraordinary luck on April 27 to capture a 30-foot-tall iceberg floating in Conception Bay. (Nearby towns include Spread Eagle and Placentia.) Live Science reported that the berg, "a column with a domed head protruding up from two oval rafts of ice," resembled a phallus. "I knew I'd get a lot of comments," Pretty said, "but I didn't expect this much." Sadly, the "dickie berg," as locals named it, didn't last: It collapsed the next day.

Recurring Theme

It's happened again. Minnesota state Sen. Calvin Bahr of East Bethel garnered some unwanted attention on May 1 after he cast a vote via Zoom -- camera on, lying shirtless in bed with, inexplicably, an "I'm Just a Bill" character from "Schoolhouse Rock!" on the wall behind him. The Associated Press reported that immediately after casting his vote, Bahr switched off his camera.

Suspicions Confirmed

On April 29 in Groningen, the Netherlands, police pulled over a driver who had mowed down a post on a sidewalk, Oddity Central reported. The unnamed 35-year-old man refused a breath test, but he did produce a Ukrainian driver's license with a familiar name and photo: Boris Johnson, the former prime minister of the United Kingdom. The license had Johnson's correct date of birth but had an expiration date of 3000. Apparently, such fake licenses are popular at Ukrainian souvenir shops.

Unclear on the Concept

Jerry Martin had what he thought was a winning idea for a retail shop: The Drug Store, where people could buy cocaine, heroin, meth and MDMA that had been tested for fentanyl. Vice reported that Martin's mobile shop, in Vancouver, Canada, was open less than 24 hours when he was arrested for drug trafficking. The store, housed in a mobile trailer that Martin parked next to a police van, featured bright yellow boards with prices listed for all the drugs. Martin wore a stab-proof vest as he sold the items from behind a plexiglass window. According to him, his plan included getting arrested so that he could challenge "laws that prevent a safe supply and result in death by poisoning" in Canada's Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Least Competent Criminals

The BBC reported on May 4 that three burglars broke into a shoe store in Huancayo, Peru, in the middle of the night and made off with 200 shoes. Unfortunately for them, they were all right shoes. Surveillance video captured them using a tricycle to remove the boxed shoes. The shop owner estimated the value at more than $13,000, although the thieves may have trouble selling the shoes for only one foot. The local police chief was confident that they would be caught.

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Akron (Ohio) Municipal Court Judge Ron Cable made a couple's dreams come true on May 4 as he officiated a "Star Wars"-themed wedding, the Associated Press reported. Julia and Robert Jones said when they heard about the special ceremonies, "There was no other right decision. That was it." They joined six other couples in 15-minute wedding ceremonies at the Highland Universal Gathering Spot in Akron. Julia and Robert took the theme to the next level, wearing Sith and Jedi robes and carrying lightsabers. "By the joining of the lightsabers," Cable intoned, "and by the giving and receiving of rings," he pronounced them husband and wife. "May the Force be with you."

Family Values

An unnamed 67-year-old woman in Russia was charged with hiring the murder of her 48-year-old daughter just so she could inherit the younger woman's Krasnoyarsk apartment, Oddity Central reported. The murderous mom told an acquaintance about her plan, and that person said they knew someone who could pull it off. The would-be assassin and the mom met in a park, where she offered about $1,040 for the job. But the hit man went to police, who helped him stage the murder and engaged the help of the victim. On May 3, the hit man contacted the mom and told her he had repeatedly stabbed her daughter with a knife, then provided her daughter's bag as evidence. She then transferred the money to his account, and police swooped in. Her new home won't be the apartment she was hoping for.

Meanwhile, Across the Pond ...

London is all abuzz with coronation pomp, and chocolatier Jennifer Lindsey-Clarke isn't about to be left out, Sky News reported on April 26. She has created a life-size bust of King Charles III using about 2,900 melted Celebrations chocolates. "The team studied hours of footage of the king to capture his true likeness, and the resemblance is uncanny," said Emily Owen, senior brand manager for Celebrations. The bust weighs about 50 pounds and took four weeks to create. The chocolate king wears the uniform that the actual king is expected to wear for his coronation, including epaulettes on the shoulders made of Twix, Milky Way, Galaxy and Bounty confections. The sculpture is on display at Mars Wrigley UK's headquarters in Slough.

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