News of the Weird: Week of October 20, 2022

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For the Man Who Has Everything

President Alexander Lukashenko of Belarus took the opportunity of a meeting at Konstantin Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia, on Oct. 7 to present Russian President Vladimir Putin with a birthday gift, the Associated Press reported. Putin turned 70 years old that day, so naturally, Lukashenko presented him with a gift certificate for a Belarusian tractor. (Tractors are a source of pride in that country's industry.) Lukashenko told reporters that he uses a similar model in his own garden; Putin, however, did not comment on the gift. Instead, he addressed issues such as conflict between ex-Soviet nations, fighting terrorism and illegal drugs.

The Continuing Crisis

Electric cars, trips to space, Twitter -- it's never enough for serial entrepreneur Elon Musk. Now, Reuters reported, the joke's on buyers who snapped up 10,000 bottles of Musk's new perfume, Burnt Hair, in just a few hours -- at $100 a pop. "With a name like mine, getting into the fragrance business was inevitable -- why did I even fight it for so long!?" Musk wondered on Twitter. The perfume is described on The Boring Company's website as "the essence of repugnant desire." "Just like leaning over a candle at the dinner table, but without all the hard work," it boasts. The scent won't start shipping until September 2023, so you can cross it off your Christmas list for this year. 

Awesome!

Ray Ruschel may not be the fastest or strongest defensive lineman on the North Dakota State College of Science football team, but he brings his best game and more to the team, the Associated Press reported. Ruschel, 49, works as a night-shift mechanic at a sugar beet factory. He decided to enroll at the college to study business management, and he learned he was eligible to try out for the football team -- reviving his high school career of more than 30 years earlier. Ruschel's coach gives him high marks: "His personality ... he's just a really likable guy with an ambition not to leave any stone unturned," said Eric Issendorf, who's one year younger than Ruschel. With about a dozen plays per game, Ruschel has helped his team secure a 4-1 record for the season, and they're hoping for a national championship. 

Armed and Clumsy

On Oct. 6, Burlington (North Carolina) police officers responded to a call around 7 a.m., the News & Record reported. A homeowner told them that as he walked from his car to his front door, an armed man approached him and tried to force his way inside the house. The two struggled, and a gunshot grazed the victim's chest, but he wasn't seriously injured. The victim was able to slam the door on the suspect -- or, more precisely, on the suspect's hand. As investigators processed the scene, they found a glove with a severed finger inside, which they used to identify Vernon Forest Wilson, 67. He was booked on multiple charges in Alamance County and held on $250,000 bond. [News & Record, 10/11/2022]

Questionable Judgment

Youth pastor Cory Wall of the Fairview Baptist Church in Greer, South Carolina, misstepped in a big way on Oct. 5 when he distributed "I (heart) hot youth pastors" stickers to the young members of his congregation, Only Sky reported. After some social media backlash, Wall admitted that his "joke" was a "mistake," but his church was more reticent about the incident: First, the church sent a private email to members saying it had discussed the matter with Wall and he "understands this should not have been shared with the students." When that wasn't enough, Fairview issued a public statement on Oct. 9, allowing that the sticker was "offensive to some" and confirming that Wall had been placed on administrative leave. Upset congregants are reportedly praying for more. 

People With Issues

Police in Smithfield, Utah, responded to a domestic violence call on Oct. 8 that didn't turn out how they expected, KUTV reported. Rachelle Clingo Walker, 35, told officers that her husband had struck her during a psychotic episode, but Walker's husband had video that portrayed a different story. In the video, Walker can be seen "trying to bring out the victim's 'other personality' by speaking in incantations," the report noted. She's shown gripping his arm "tighter, cutting into his hand with her nails." When the husband tells her to stop, Walker grabs a pair of scissors and holds them "above her head in an intimidating fashion," not allowing him to escape. He finally got away from her, and she called police. Walker was arrested for aggravated assault, unlawful detention and other charges. 

Least Competent Criminal

In Seminole, Florida, 56-year-old Paul James Sinclair summoned his inner 8-year-old on Oct. 10 as he attempted a bank robbery. Sinclair, according to The Smoking Gun, entered a Chase branch with his hand under his shirt making "the shape of a gun with his finger," arrest records said. He advised teller Desiree Stefanik not to "push any buttons" as he waited for her to hand over the loot. Sinclair got away with only $120 and was arrested shortly after the incident.

Latest Religious Messages

One can only imagine the heavenly eye-rolling that must be ensuing. The Signatry, a Christian foundation based in Overland Park, Kansas, is funding a $100 million media campaign designed to redeem Jesus' "brand" from the damage done by his followers, Religion News Service reported. The program will include a website, billboards ("Jesus let his hair down, too"), an online store with free stuff for those who forgive someone or welcome a stranger, and the creme de la creme, come February: a Super Bowl ad. "Our goal is to give voice to ... those who are ready to reclaim the name of Jesus from those who abuse it to judge, harm and divide people," said Jon Lee, a principal at Lerma, the Dallas ad agency driving the "He Gets Us" campaign. He hopes people who see the ads will consider whether Jesus might be relevant to themselves.

Ewwwww

On Sept. 13, ophthalmologist Katerina Kurteeva, who practices in Newport Beach, California, shared with her Instagram followers a troubling video, Oddity Central reported. Dr. Kurteeva documented the removal of "forgotten" contact lenses from an elderly patient's eye -- 23 of them, to be exact. Some of them were so old they had turned green. "They were essentially glued together after sitting under the eyelid for a month," she wrote. "Don't sleep in your contact lenses!" she warned. 

The Passing Parade

The South China Morning Post reported on Oct. 7 that a new health fad is trending among elderly Chinese: crocodile crawling. Hundreds of people in eastern China, who call themselves the Crocodile Group, dress in matching uniforms and chant rhythmic slogans while they crawl, single-file, on their hands and feet around a jogging track. Afficionados say the exercise helps with back pain. "I previously had problems with a herniated disc," said Li Wei, the group's coach. "After doing this for eight months, I don't feel any pain anymore." One doctor explained that the movement is similar to pushups, except you're moving forward.