News of the Weird newspapers illustration
Wisconsin Walmart Weirdness
At around 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday, April 10, things got interesting at an Eau Claire, Wis., Walmart. Lisa Smith, 46, entered the store with her unleashed dog, Bo, and the dog distracted shoppers and store staff, Smith pulled apart store displays, putting them in her cart. After being asked by workers to leave the store, she went out to the parking lot and started making karate moves. Bo, meanwhile, bit into a box of Jiffy Cornbread Muffin Mix and attempted to leave the store. Also, Smith’s son, Benny Vann, 25, had made his way to the back of the store, where he completely undressed, exposing himself to shoppers and grabbing clothes from store racks before attempting to run over police officers with his store-provided mobility scooter. WHO-TV reported Smith was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and misdemeanor bail jumping; Vann racked up charges of lewd and lascivious behavior, disorderly conduct and retail theft; Bo, police said, received only a verbal warning for his theft of the muffin mix.
Bomb Threats 101
When the Wilkinson School in El Granada, Calif., received a bomb threat on the morning of Thursday, April 11, it didn’t take long for administrators to empty the building of staff and students. But law officers searching the grounds found nothing, because the threatening phone call actually came from 2,100 miles away—in Woodville, Miss. That’s where a 15-year-old student intended to threaten her own Wilkinson (County) High School to get the day off from school, reported The San Jose Mercury News, but apparently didn’t double-check her Google search before dialing.
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A Fishy Fox
A concerned animal lover in Devon, England, contacted authorities on Monday, April 8, to report that a fox she had been watching hadn’t moved for several days, reported Fox News. In response, Ellie Burt, an officer with the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty of Animals, suggested trying the “broom test,” which didn’t make the fox stir, but Burt was told it “tracked them with its eyes and seemed to be breathing well.” When Burt arrived on the scene, she quickly diagnosed the problem: The fox was a fake, “stuffed by a taxidermist. He’d clearly been placed under a bush outside of the houses as a prank,” Burt said. “Someone had been moving it around the neighborhood.” Burt discarded the fox “to avoid any further calls.”
Walmart Again
Crossville, Tenn., police officers pulled over Sally Selby, 45, at 5 a.m. on Friday, April 5, as she puttered along Highway 127 driving a Walmart mobility scooter. She was on her way to the Waffle House, she said, to buy a cup of coffee. WTVF reported that Selby initially told officers she had built the scooter, but Walmart confirmed it was one of theirs and had surveillance video of Selby driving the scooter out of the store to back up their story. She was arrested for theft.
No Porn for You!
An unnamed 40-year-old man in Muncie, Ind., is suing his parents for trashing his collection of porn videos and magazines, which he estimates was worth $29,000. According to the Associated Press, the man had been living with his parents for 10 months following a divorce, and after he bought a new house, his parents delivered his possessions—sans 12 boxes of pornography. His parents admitted dumping the collection; in an email quoted by the lawsuit, the father told his son, “I did you a big favor by getting rid of all that stuff.” The son is seeking $87,000 in damages.
What a Pain in the Neck!
Paramedic Natalie Kuniciki, 23, was lying in bed watching a movie in her London flat when she stretched her neck and heard a loud crack. Thinking nothing of it, she went to sleep, but soon reawakened to realize she couldn’t move her left leg. “I got up and tried to walk to the bathroom, and I was swaying everywhere. I looked down and realized I wasn’t moving my left leg at all, then I fell to the floor,” Kuniciki told The Sun. She called an ambulance, and a CT scan confirmed that she’d had a stroke. When her neck cracked, it had caused her vertebral artery to burst, sending a clot to her brain and triggering the stroke. Kuniciki spent a month in the hospital while she regained mobility on her left side. Doctors hope she can return to work in six to 12 months.
© ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
