Aloe Vera the Almighty
British retailer Marks & Spencer is in hot water with Muslims who claim the store’s brand of toilet paper is embossed with the Arabic symbol for the word “God.” An unnamed man posted a video to social media displaying a roll of M&S Aloe Vera three-ply tissue and urging his Muslim brothers and sisters to avoid buying it or boycott the store altogether. Metro News reports that, in response, Marks & Spencer says the symbol is of an aloe vera leaf: “The motif on the aloe vera toilet tissue, which we have been selling for more than five years, is categorically of an aloe vera leaf, and we have investigated and confirmed this with our suppliers.”
A Snip Off the Old Block
Alijah Hernandez of Houston is a skilled barber in her father’s shop, reported KTRK-TV on Jan. 17—which wouldn’t ordinarily be newsworthy, but Alijah is only 7 years old. Her dad, Franky, says he’s been watching her since she was a toddler and started perfecting her skills three years ago. For her part, Alijah says cutting hair comes naturally to her; she practices on friends and family (with her dad supervising) and has already faced off in barber competitions across Texas.
Awash in Moonglow
The very rare “super blood wolf moon” of Jan. 20 was so captivating to some sky watchers on Florida’s Ponte Vedra Beach, that they didn’t notice when the tide rolled in and waterlogged their Honda CRV. The St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office told News4Jax the occupants were able to get out of the car and move to safety, although the vehicle itself wasn’t recovered until the next day. A photo showed water up to the windshield on the front end.
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Moonstruck
In West Palm Beach, Fla., two unnamed 24-year-olds chose to view the Jan. 20 eclipse by lying prone in the middle of a dark road near the Apoxee Wilderness Trail. Which would have worked out fine, except that, at about 11:30 p.m., a West Palm Beach police officer patrolling the area ran over the pair. Fortunately, reported the South Florida Sun Sentinel, he was cruising at just 5 mph, and the human speed bumps sustained non-life-threatening injuries. The officer was put on paid administrative leave while the incident was investigated.
Oops. Nevermind
Laura Lyons of Orinda, Calif., was in her kitchen on the afternoon of Jan. 20 when a loud alert message blared forth from their living room, followed by a detailed warning from “Civil Defense” that “intercontinental ballistic missiles are en route” towards Los Angeles, Chicago, and other U.S. cities. Lyons told the San Jose Mercury News the message warned listeners they had minutes to take shelter or evacuate. As she and her husband absorbed the news, they realized it had come from their Nest security camera—not from the TV—where the Rams-Saints game was proceeding as normal, and news channels were not reporting anything unusual. “It was five minutes of sheer terror,” she said. The Lyons called 911 and then Nest, where a supervisor told them they had been victims of a “third-party hack” on their camera and speakers.
Natural Medicine
When a 33-year-old unnamed Irish man was admitted to a Dublin hospital with swelling in his right forearm and a rash, he surprised the attending physician with the “cure” he had been using for his back pain. For a year-and-a-half, reported Canoe.com on Jan. 16, the man had been injecting his own semen into his right forearm. X-rays revealed a pool of the fluid under his skin, which had become infected. “He had devised this ‘cure’ independent of any medical advice,” noted Dr. Lisa Dunne in the Irish Medical Journal. He also told Dr. Dunne that his back pain had worsened after lifting a heavy metal object.
Extra-Firm Pillow
Dennis Palmer, 31, appeared to be guilty of more than just “TMI” on Jan. 10 when police were called to a Walmart in Stuart, Fla. TCPalm.com reported that Palmer was in the pillow aisle when he was seen exposing and touching himself inappropriately. Palmer told police “he was just itching himself because he has crabs.” But surveillance video recorded Palmer indulging in “rubbing” and “other activities” beyond mere scratching; “this continued for several minutes,” the affidavit stated. When police asked Palmer what he was thinking, he replied that “he wasn’t thinking, but he should have been.” He was jailed for exposure of sexual organs.
© 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
