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Dear Ruthie,
I belong to an internet-based support group for widowers who lost partners to suicide. In that group, I met a man I really connected with. I lost my husband nearly five years ago, and he lost his about two years ago.
We had so much in common, we began messaging privately which eventually led to phone calls at least twice daily. Things were moving along well, with plans for him to fly across the country to visit me and pursue a relationship.
My only problem was that I felt far too much of our discussions dealt with death and our lost partners. I suggested we try to steer our conversations away from such things a bit, focusing more on our lives, and shows, movies and foods we enjoy, and the like. Well, he freaked out.
He accused me of control the discussions and took it the wrong way. He not only hung up on me, but further communication has been limited and uncomfortable at best.
How can we get back to the connection we once had? Is it even worth it?
Feeling Lost,
Heartbroken Hank
Dear Heartbroken,
That sucks, honey! Here you met a guy you thought you vibed with only to discover your extreme losses may be the only thing you have in common.
If you haven’t already, address the elephant in the room. Let him know that you miss the connection you once had and that you’re there for support—as well as exploring the rest of his world (and sharing yours).
You can’t build a relationship on a shared tragedy only. You both need to find other common interests to celebrate. If he doesn’t see that, he simply may not be ready for a relationship. If so, focus your attention on your own happiness and move on, sugar.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
October 19—Falling Star Comedy Showcase at Art*Bar (722 E. Burleigh St.): We could all use a laugh these days, and the gang at Art*Bar is here to help. Professional comedians take the stage for a night of chuckles, adult beverages and more. Don’t miss the 9 p.m. fun the third Thursday of every month.
October 20-22—Fall Art Tour at Various Locations (in Mineral Point, Spring Green, Dodgeville and Baraboo): Check out the autumn leaves like never been before with a road trip! Experience a self-guided tour of 48 art studios tucked throughout southwest Wisconsin’s rolling hills. See www.fallarttour.com for details.
October 21—Britney Brunch at POP (124 W. National Ave.): Not a breakfast; not yet a lunch, this Spears celebration is sure to put a spring in your step. The party starts at 1 p.m. featuring some if the city’s favorite drag queens, a tasty menu, mimosas and all things Britney!
October 21—Old Fashioned Fest at Tripoline Shine Center (3000 W. Wisconsin Ave.): The team at “Shepherd Express” toasts the state’s most-loved cocktail with this sensational sip fest! The whiskey vs. brandy showdown features a dozen of the city’s top bars, restaurants and clubs, each vying for the title Best Old Fashioned—and you get to help pick a winner! See www.shepherdexpress.com for passes to the 5-9 p.m. event.
October 21—The Hollows at Phantom Lake YMCA (S110W30240 YMCA Camp Road, Mukwonago): Explore a magical fairyland when you enter this world of witches, wizards, mermaids and others along the trails and shores of Phantom Lake. You’ll also have access to the 3,000 jack-o-lantern display when you order tickets at www.phantomlakeymca.org.
October 24—“Snow White Grand Kyiv Ballet” at The Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): The beloved Brothers Grimm tale comes to life in this one-night-only production. Relish the glamor, whimsy and childlike delight with the National Opera and Ballet of Ukraine during the 7:30 p.m. performance. See www.pabsttheatergroup.com for more.
October 25 –“An Evening with David Sedaris” at The Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): David Sedaris is back with an all-new telling of laugh-out-loud stories. The humorist and best-selling author brings his brand of funny to Cream City with the 7:30 p.m. show. Check out www.pabsttheatergroup.com for details.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
