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Dear Ruthie,
This might sound like a stupid question, but is it possible to suddenly turn asexual? I used to enjoy sex a lot, but now it just sort of feels kind of violent to me. Whenever a man expresses sexual interest in me, I instantly begin to feel nervous and unsafe.
My theory is that this is a response from being objectified and hypersexualized without my consent so many times. Do you think I need professional therapy?
Thanks,
Curious Kerri
Dear Kerr-Bear,
First off, no question is stupid. After writing an advice column for years (dare I say, “decades?”), I say that your query is far from some of the …. Uhm …. more-unique questions I’ve received.
Secondly, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve felt hypersexualized. You don’t offer the details but, regardless, that sucks, and no one should be meant to feel that way.
For those not familiar, an asexual person is anyone who simply has little to no interest in sex. While these folks may not have a desire for sexual intimacy, they are usually onboard for emotional intimacy.
That said, I don’t know that you’re now asexual. My guess is that you’re simply not interested in sex at the time being. In other words, this outlook could be temporary.
If it’s not, that’s fine! Nothing wrong with being asexual if you ask me. If it concerns you, however, I’d suggest seeing a professional therapist. A therapist can you help you examine your feelings toward sex and offer tools to cope with being hypersexualized in the past.
Go for it! You’ll feel better talking to a pro, learn about yourself and truly become your best self. You’re a rock star! Don’t let this get you down!
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
March 3—“Make All Our Dreams Come True” Concert by Our Voice Milwaukee at The Firtzgerald Mansion (1119 N. Marshall St.): We’re gonna do it our way…and we hope you join us! I’m emceeing this toe-tapping, smile-fetching cabaret from the city’s LGBTQ+ chorus, and you won’t want to miss it. See cityoffestivalsmenschorus.org to reserve a seat or even an entire table, and I’ll see you at the 7:30 p.m. concert.
March 4—Lesbian Pop-Up Bar at Delta Beer Lab (167 E. Badger Road, Madison): This monthly traveling party serves up great times, and this event is no exception. Head over to Mad City for the 6 p.m. mixer where you’ll make new friends and reconnect with familiar faces.
March 4—Luck of the Dog Pawty at O’Briens Pub (4928 W. Vliet St.): The team at Canine Cupids hosts this annual St. Paddy’s bash to raise money for pups in need. The 6-9 p.m. event includes live Irish music, Irish dancers, raffles, a bagpiper, a best-legs-in-a-kilt contest, auctions and, of course, lots of beer. A suggested $5 door charge gets you in to the popular party.
March 4—Second Annual ‘80s Prom at The Cooperage (822 S. Water St.): Go back to the future with this current take on 80’s fun. Come dressed in your ‘80s finest or come as you are. Everyone is welcome to the 7:30 p.m. prom. See eventbrite.com for ticket packages, including a $10 general admission pass.
March 4—Variety Show at Woody’s (1579 S. Second St.): Local legend Goldie Adams brings a little live entertainment to one of the city’s LGBTQ+ sports bars with an 8 p.m. revue. Don’t miss the live singers, drag queens, friendly bartends and more.
March 6—Screening of The First Step at Oriental Theatre (2230 N. Farwell Ave.): In this inspiring film, political commentator and activist Van Jones documents his journey to make social change in a divided America. Check out the free 6 p.m. showing after registering at www.mkefilm.org.
March 7—Spring Brunch Cooking Class at West Allis Recreation Center (2450 S. 68th St.): Become top chef among the early risers in your social circle! Instructor Staci Joers demonstrates four sunrise specialties as part of her Cooking with Class series. Learn a few culinary clues, sample the dishes and take home the recipes when you register by calling 414-604-4900.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
