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Dear Ruthie,
As a certified ass man, I’m having a hard time dealing with my lover’s flat, saggy, unappealing ass. I’m losing attraction to him because of his flat ass, and I’m having a hard time in the bedroom because it’s such a turn off. I keep looking at guys with thick asses when we go out, and I fear I’m going to cheat soon. I’m also thinking of leaving him and looking for someone I’m more attracted to.
I’m trying to get him into a gym, but he’s not getting the clues. Not sure if it’s worth breaking up over, but it might be. A friend said I was being “shallow” because my lover is a great guy otherwise. I just cannot help myself in this situation. I think my friend is wrong but who knows?
What do you think?
Ass Man
Dear Ass,
“Certified” ass man? What the hell does that even mean? Are we supposed to believe you studied the complexities of the male ass and received some certificate of completion? Was a final test involved? Was there an essay portion?
Your friend is correct in that you’re being shallow. I’d love to take a peek at your keester and see what you’re rocking! Unless you’ve got the body of God, you should likely shut the hell up about your partner’s behind.
As we age, our bodies change. Yours, mine, your partner’s…everyone’s. Unfortunately, the derriere falls victim to gravity. Check out your own backside, honey! That said, it seems unfair to judge a person on their aging body alone—which is what you’re doing.
If you truly are not attracted to your partner, that is an issue you need to address (possibly with a therapist as this problem might begin with you). If his rear is the only problem, I’d suggest you focus on all the loving, wonderful, sweet aspects your partner offers and get over his behind.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
May 18—Sip & Stroll at the (Wauwatosa) Village (7603 W. State St.): An evening of shopping, sipping and snacking await during this 5-8 p.m. outdoor stroll. Enjoy free samples, mixing and mingling as well as discounts from some of your favorite Tosa businesses when you hit the streets and gear up for a great time.
May 20—Washington Heights Bloom & Groom Plant Sale (2111 N. 49th St.): See why this annual plant sale is a gardener’s best friend. Lineup starts at 9:30 a.m., with the sale kicking off 30 minutes later. Limits exist on the number of plants you can purchase, and cash/checks are the only forms of payment accepted. The sale ends at noon or until the flowers and plants are gone.
May 20—“Billy Porter: Black Mona Lisa Tour, Volume 1” at Bradley Symphony Center (212 W. Wisconsin Ave.): The Broadway and television award-winner performs with the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra for a moving, energetic and mesmerizing evening of music, fashion and more. Featuring a variety of music stylings, it’s one evening that promises to leave a lasting impact on all who attend. See www.ticketmaster.com for tickets to the enchanting concert.
May 20—Patti LaBelle at The Riverside Theater (116 W. Wisconsin Ave.): The legendary queen makes her return to Milwaukee with this 8 p.m. concert. Ticket holders from the singer’s December 2022 show can use their tickets and parking passes for this performance. Additional tickets are available for purchase at www.pabsttheatergroup.com.
May 21—Wag Around the Ward at Catalano Square (147 N. Broadway): Treat your fur baby to a great afternoon in the Third Ward! This pup-friendly party includes food trucks, vendors, giveaways and more. Take in the free event from 1-4 p.m. and help raise donations for a downtown dog park.
May 23—Strong Bodies Exercise Program at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (315 W. Court St.): Give this 1:30 p.m. class a try if you’re interested in slowing down the bone- and muscle-loss process. Free and open to all, the one-hour sessions meet twice per week. Contact ccarter@mkelgbt.org to learn how you can get involved.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
