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Dear Ruthie,
I married a hoarder. I knew he was a hoarder while dating. The hoarding got worse during our engagement, but I went through with it because I thought I could change him.
Fast forward 3 years and our house is nearly unlivable. We have no running water in one bathroom and cannot use several rooms as they’re piled, floor to ceiling, with his “stuff.”
Attempts to toss things resulted in insane, scary fights. Attempts to clean and organize are futile. He has “connections” to these items such as old VCRs, Legos and coffee mugs for example. How can I help him? How can I be happy? How can I get my home back?
Sincerely,
Feeling Buried
Dear Feels,
I’m not a doctor or therapist, but it sounds like you need professional intervention. Hoarding can be a mental health problem or a reaction to another disorder. It could be a way to cope with a previous tragedy/ordeal or even a way to address depression/anxiety. Again, I’m no doctor and assuming you’re not either, you’re likely in over your head.
You don’t mention if your hubby wants to change. If so, it may be easier to get him into counseling. If not, consider couples counseling. This may be a good first step in improve the situation. A couple’s counselor will likely point you both toward additional help.
In the meantime, try to remember that he likely hoards because his brain tells him to. He can’t necessarily help it, and he needs someone to assist him in changing his behavior. Keeping this in mind may help you cope until you begin working with a professional doctor/therapist.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
November 16—Pride Night Dial M for Murder at Milwaukee Repertory Theater (108 E. Wells St.): Join me and a few of my gal pals at The Rep! Your Pride Night ticket includes access to the pre-show cocktail party! Afterward, we’ll all take in the murder mystery at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are limited for this rainbow-clad package, so get yours today at milwaukeerep.com. Use the code “Pridenight” for the $30 offer.
November 18—Cher Brunch at Pop (124 W. National Ave.): It’s time to honor one of the greatest divas of all time…with bacon and mimosas in hand. Check out the city’s newest LGBTQ bar while enjoying a 1 p.m. brunch—all while drag queens perform some of Cher’s greatest hits!
November 18—Pride Ride Wisconsin Motor Mayhem Party at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): The LGBTQ+ motorcycle group hosts this 3-7 p.m. bash where 100% of the proceeds help local families this holiday season. Enjoy 2-4-1 drink specials, raffles and more.
November 18—M.O.B. Beer Bust at Kruz (354 E. National Ave.): This monthly beer and soda bust keeps gaining in popularity! The Milwaukee Organized Bears (M.O.B) run the 5 p.m. event that includes raffles and a complete Thanksgiving-dinner grand prize! Donate a new toy or some nonperishable foods for a few free raffle tickets.
November 19—Milwaukee Art Museum (MAM) Drop-In Tour at Milwaukee Art Museum (700 N. Art Museum Drive): Every Sunday (until Dec. 17) MAM offers this 2 p.m. tour that’s included with the price of admission. Simply meet the group in Windhover Hall, near the main entrance and admissions desks, then enjoy a one-hour guided tour of the museum’s best!
November 21—Mullet Bingo at Great Lakes Distillery (616 W. Virginia St.): Drag king Adam Furie is yanking balls and calling the shots during this change-of-pace bingo night that’s sure to shake up your workweek. An homage to America’s favorite haircut, craft beers and cocktails, the night starts at 6 p.m.
November 22—Milwaukee Trans and Queer Depot at Zao Church (2319 E. Kenwood Blvd.):
Do you take injectable hormones as part of a medically recommended regiment? Need help or advice regarding those injections? This group meets every Wednesday from 3-7 p.m., offering a safe, sober space for trans and queer folks to help one another with injection therapy, needle supplies and more.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
