Dear Ruthie,
I’ve been engaged for a year now, and happily partnered for three years. I absolutely love this man and I believe we are soulmates. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I want him in my life always, and I can’t imagine getting through life without him.
The problem? I don’t find him particularly attractive anymore. I don’t know what it is. I love everything else about him, but he’s just not doing it for me physically anymore.
Do I hold off on the wedding? I don’t want to cancel it, but this seems weird to me. Am I being too demanding, wanting the entire package for the rest of my life? There may be a time that he’s not that into me physically, either. Someone told me I was thinking about it too much, and maybe I am. What do you think?
Thanks,
Demanding Darren
Dear Demanding,
Let’s run through the checklist, honey: Soulmate? Check. Can’t imagine life without him? Check. Happily partnered? Check. Sorry, but WTF is your problem again?
I joke, but I think what’s happening is that you’ve officially left the honeymoon phase. Your Prince Charming isn’t quite as charming as he once was, not as sexy and maybe just a bit more human than when cupid’s arrow hit your keester. That’s OK! There’s nothing particularly odd about this. Many couples find their emotions changing over time regarding a spectrum of issues, and physical attraction can certainly be one of them.
There’s also a chance that you’re getting cold feet as the wedding approaches, which is also completely normal. If this is the case, your lack of interest in his physical appearance will likely pass shortly, and all should return to normal.
You say you can’t imagine life without him and that you are soulmates. Try focusing on that. Remember all the reasons you fell in love in the first place and see if that doesn’t reignite the flame. If that doesn’t work, you may want to consult a marriage counselor before officially tying the knot. But for now focus less on what’s on the outside, and more on what’s on the inside.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
November 12—"Write Your First Play” Online Class: The Milwaukee Repertory Theater offers this digital course for budding playwrights. The 7-8 p.m. sessions run every Thursday for eight weeks, walking students through the process of creating their own 10-minute masterpiece. The class fee is $120, and the number of students is limited so you’ll need to register at www.milwaukeerep.com.
November 13—OutReach 28th Annual (Digital) Awards Celebration: Honor those strengthening the LGBTQ+ community in Wisconsin during this virtual award ceremony. See who will be named the Advocate of the Year, discover who will take home the Courage Award and learn about the organizations that offer overwhelming support to this community. Simply swing by the Outreach LGBTQ Community Center’s Facebook page at 7 p.m. for the Facebook live event.
November 14—Laura Benanti Virtual Concert: Part of the Marcus Center’s “Women of Broadway Livestream Concert Series,” Laura Benanti brings her incredible voice and talents into your home with this digital event. Join the Tony winner as she serenades you with hits from the Great White Way as well as favorites from the American songbook and other toe-tapping tunes. See www.marcuscenter.org for $30 tickets. Once registered, you’ll be sent access to the livestream event.
November 15—“Making Biologically Related LGBT Families” Virtual Presentation: The PFLAG group at the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center hosts this special presentation. Free and open to the public, the 5 p.m. event is a being held via ZOOM, but registration is requested by calling 414-299-9198.
November 18—“Mary” Christmas Pop-Up Bar at Mary’s Arcade Bar (734 S. Fifth St.): The gang at Hamburger Mary’s decked the halls of their arcade bar for the merriest Mary presentation of all time. The garland glitters and glows from floor to ceiling in this terrifically tacky display of yuletide cheer. Enjoy a special holiday drink menu that includes mulled wine, Coquito eggnog, Sugarplum Fairy cosmos and enough Christmas cheer to turn the Grinch’s frown upside down. The must-see pop-up bar opens at 4 p.m. Wednesdays through Sundays.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com. Follow her on social media, too! Facebook: Dear Ruthie, Instagram RuthieKeester and Twitter @DearRuthie.
