Photo Credit: Allen Halas
Ruthie
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Dear Ruthie,
How can I tell the difference between having romantic feelings and purely sexual ones? I get mixed up. Sometimes, I even confuse emotions like basic friendship. Sometimes I think I’m in love, but it turns into nothing more than a hookup. Other times, I think I’m going to take someone home, but they just want to be friends. Sometimes a guy won’t leave after a one-nighter and keeps messaging me, wanting more than just sex.
I know the definition between love, sex and friendship but my heart and dick don’t seem to get it. How can I keep things separate better than I’m currently doing?
(signed)
Horny Lover Boy
Dear Horny,
You’re not alone, sweetie. When you click with someone new, the lines between love, sex and friendship can easily be confused. Add whatever the other person is expecting, and there’s a lot to sort through emotionally.
Pump the breaks when venturing into a new relationship, be it friendship, one-night stand or love affair. Take things slow and investigate your feelings. By taking more time to figure things out, you’re less likely to jump to conclusions as to what the new relationship is all about.
Resist the urge to assume you know what the other person is feeling. Look for clues to see what they’re expecting or simply ask them. Knowing what they’re looking for from this new relationship should help define the situation.
Keep in mind that sex can change things. Hitting the sheets too early could put a detour on a romantic relationship. Similarly, sex sometimes spoils what might be a great friendship. I’m certainly not saying that’s the case in every instance but, based on your history, I’d suggest thinking twice before getting naked with someone new. Make sure the time is right and weigh the risks before doing the horizonal bop.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
February 22—Disability Support Group at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (315 W. Court St.): Whether you’re looking to make new connections, need guidance on Milwaukee programs or want to expand your support circle, this 2:30 p.m. group could help. Stop by mkelgbt.org to learn more about this smart program.
February 24—“The Black Excellence Showcase” at LaCage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): Celebrate Black History Month with a must-see show. Hosted by Easton Boyd, the high-energy showcase starts at 11 p.m., followed by DJ and dancing.
February 25—Urban Candlelight Hike at Three Bridges Park (3700 W. Pierce St.): Beat cabin fever with a family-friendly hike. For the sixth year, 100 candles will light The Hank Aaron State Trail, so be sure to start your hike any time from 5:30 to 8 p.m. You’ll also find food trucks, fire pits and more. Don’t miss the after party at Third Space Brewing (1505 St. Paul St.) until 10 p.m. Stop by www.urbancandlelighthike.com for details, including a map of hot-cocoa stops, s’mores stations, parking and more.
February 26—Drag Brunch at Turner Hall Ballroom (1034 N. Vel R Phillips Ave.): Shake up the weekend with an off-the-charts brunch at Turner Hall. Emcee BJ Daniels brings a bevy of babes to the brunch, including me, Melee and Shannon Dupree. Invite your girlfriends, besties and brunch buddies, and then swing by turnerhallballroom.org to order tickets to this change-of-pace Sunday soiree.
February 26—Milwaukee’s Best Bloody at Italian Community Center (631 E. Chicago St.): Local bartenders face off in this annual competition where you vote for the city’s best Bloody Mary. Sample each of the bloodys while enjoying beer chasers and an appetizer buffet … all included with your ticket from eventbrite.com. A benefit for Great Lakes Hemophilia Foundation, the Bloody Marys (and Virgin Marys) flow 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.
February 26—Queer POC Cookout at This Is It (418 E. Wells St.): The team at This Is It created this tasty party to ring in Black History Month. Enjoy dinner at 7 p.m. followed by music, dancing and drink specials at 9 p.m. This is a 21+ event, but there is no cover charge or ticket required.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
