Ruthie Camp Wannakiki shirt
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Dear Ruthie,
After being the top in our relationship for 11 years, my husband is now saying he’s a bottom. Because I’m a bottom, too, he wants to open up our relationship to others. I hate this. I miss my dominate top husband! I am not a top or vers! After 11 years, I feel the rug has been pulled out from under me where sex is concerned. I’m not sure what to do.
Any Advice?
Bear-y Bottom
Dear Care-Bear,
People change and evolve with time, and those changes can be sexual. Your guy could be exploring a new side of his sexuality, might be going through a phase or could have “top burnout,” all of which are normal. That said, your concerns are justified as well.
I understand you’re not crazy about this change but encourage him to explore. If you love him, you want him to be happy, right? That doesn’t mean you must open up your relationship to others. If that’s something you’re not comfortable with, let him know that. Bringing a third into the bedroom only works if all parties are up for it. Explore this change together with toys and fantasy, instead.
You’ll also need to talk to him gently about his new preferences. Try to learn what he’s feeling, and calmly let him know your concerns. Let him know you’re willing to explore some new options—and discuss what you’re not willing to try.
If things simply aren’t working, consider seeing a couple’s therapist. Together, you can make things work! Good luck!
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
June 13—Opening Night La Cage aux Folles at LaCage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): Outskirts Theatre brings La Cage the musical to LaCage the nightclub with this fantastic production. Relish the story that’s warmed hearts for decades amid incredible songs, fantastic costumes and all the LOL moments you can handle. See outskirtstheatre.org for tickets before the run ends on June 30.
June 13—“Tom Goss Live in Kenosha” at Club Icon (6305 120th Ave., Kenosha): The delightful singer/songwriter brings his best tunes to Kenosha with this concert. Enjoy favorites like “Son of a Preacher Man” and “Bears” when Tom takes the stage at 7:30 p.m. Best of all, ticket sales and donations directly benefit programs and services at the LGBT Center of SE Wisconsin.
June 15—Rainbow Bingo Bash at Ho-Chunk Gaming, Wisconsin Dells(S3214 County Road BD, Baraboo): Mix up your pride celebration with a road trip to Dells! This pride celebration has it all—from rounds of bingo, a fierce drag competition, super jackpot, cash drawings and more! The fun starts at 3 p.m. with early-bird and warm-up games an hour earlier. Visit ho-chunkgaming.com/wisconsindells for more, including resort reservations.
June 15—Historic Home & Garden Show at Greater Utopian Church(2925 W. State St.): Explore Victorian-era homes and incredible gardens with this 35th annual home tour. Explore the historic Concordia neighborhood during this delightful walking tour that steps off at 10 a.m. and runs until 4 p.m. See hcni.org for tickets and additional details.
June 15—Bombshell’s 24-Hour Musical at Next Act Theatre (255 S. Water St.): The team at Bombshell Theatre ups the ante with this fun-filled, one-night-only show. Visit bombshelltheatre.org and vote for the musical you’d like to see. Mamma Mia? The Sound of Music? Annie? After the votes are tabulated, the cast and crew have 24 hours to create the winning show! Don’t miss this one-of-a-kind production when you reserve seats at 414-622-0234.
June 15—Lady Gaga vs. Madonna at Mad Planet (533 E. Center St.): Two all-time favorite divas take over the night during this 9 p.m. dance party. Whether you’re a little monster or a material girl, you’ll find these endless beats, sensational drinks and overall great time simply irresistible.
June 18—Pride Business Showcase at Monona Terrace (1 John Nolen Drive., Madison): The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce invites you to Madison for this delightful celebration. Mix and mingle with other business owners at the 5:30 p.m. event. See wislgbtchamber.com for details.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
