DJ Trumpty-Dumbty

×

Expand

Photo: Kjsmith47 - Getty Images

Art Kumbalek Mount Rushmore

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I’m guessing that you’s probably have heard that our former one-term (so far) “president” Donald J(ackass) Trumpel-thinskin just last week finally got arrested, collared, arraigned, busted, pinched, indicted, nabbed and snatched so’s to make an appearance inside a New York City courtroom on account of being a shyster crook, what the fock.

And somewhere, Hillary raises slowly the corners of her lips as she whispers to no one in particular: “Lock who up, you focking motherfocking fat-ass douchebag?” God bless, her. I think she would’ve been a fine president of the United States regardless of the QAnon crowd concerns in regards to pedophilia sacrifice occurring in the basements of popular pizza restaurants and the danger of Jewish space lasers for ungodly non-Christian purposes.

But of course, (parts) of the country are concerned, consarnit, as to how the (s)ex-president is dealing with his load of criminal-prosecution crime schmutz all over the place, and that his “legacy” come the year 2123 might not be viewed by historians and regular people as “What the fock, how’d anybody ever think to vote that focking clown to be the head honcho of the Shining City On the Hill,” as we do now in 2023 thinking back in wonder as to who ever-in-the fock voted for Zachary Taylor, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Warren Harding, Herbert focking Hoover, George W. Bush (twice? good lord) 

So, where was I. Oh yeah, the Orange Circus Peanut, finally, getting hauled in for a face-to-face with a legitimate judge in a robe rather than an attractive porn gal whose robe would soon be dropped.

And how did that go, for the Goof of Wall Street, how did he feel, his thoughts, as he returned later that day as Florida Man back to the Mar-a-Lago?

Perhaps we begin here, from nbcnews.com last week, Saturday, April 8:

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/tight-circle-aides-trying-keep-trump-trouble-rcna78335

OK, in case you didn’t catch this story and can’t configure the link, here’s a brief recap from the top of this article:

When he wrapped up remarks following his arraignment Tuesday with a familiar promise to “Make America Great Again,” former President Donald Trump pushed into the adoring crowd at his Mar-a-Lago club—ignoring Secret Service instructions to take a pre-cleared path—and made his way to a private patio dinner with his daughter Tiffany, her husband Michael Boulos and longtime conservative operative Sergio Gor.

While they ate, surrounded by aides and friends at nearby tables, Trump listened to a playlist he had curated himself. Songs included “Justice for All,” his version of the national anthem with the “J6 choir” of inmates awaiting trial for their roles in the insurrection, Luciano Pavarotti and James Brown singing “It’s a Man’s World,” and selections from Sinead O’Connor and Phantom of the Opera.

OK, first: “…and made his way to a private patio dinner with his daughter Tiffany, her husband Michael Boulos and longtime conservative operative Sergio Gor.” Wait a second, what the fock. Sergio Gor? “Longtime conservative operative,” from maybe Russia with a name like that? What, Trump discovered a “conservative operative” named Sergio from picking names out of a babushka? To quote the great American philosopher Daffy Duck: “It is to laugh.”

And whoa, Nellie! This: “While they ate... Trump listened to a playlist he had curated himself. Songs included “Justice for All,” his version of the national anthem with the “J6 choir” of inmates awaiting trial for their roles in the insurrection, Luciano Pavarotti and James Brown singing “It’s a Man’s World,” and selections from Sinead O’Connor and Phantom of the Opera.”

Good lord. DJ Trumpty-Dumbty. Who knew? And to correct the writer of the article above, the title of the Godfather of Soul’s song is “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World.” Apparently, there’s not a whole lotta “wokefulness” shakin’ goin’ on down there in Mar-a-Lago—whose Mar, what Mar, my Mar, jeez louise.

But I’ll tell you’s, if I could’ve assisted DJ Trumpty-Dumbty with his songlist for his Florida post-arrest pity party, DJ Artie K would’ve suggested a couple, three additions. They being:

“Jailhouse Rock.” “Tears of a Clown.” “Folsom Prison Blues.” Beatles “I’m a Loser.” Young Rascals “You Better Run.” Oz Scarecrow’s “If I Only Had a Brain.” Kinks “You Really Got Me.” Billy Joe Royal/Deep Purple “Hush.” Talking Heads “Psycho Killer.” And natch’, the 1966 smash hit by the redoubtable Napoleon XIV, “They’re Coming to Take Me Away.” Ha-Haaa! Ba-ding!

Yeah yeah, so let’s cut this confab short this week on account that I got some medical phone calls to make on my landline for the supposed billing intended to screw me out of a fortune that I do not, and will never, have.

But considering that the Trumpster-fire is up to his armpits with legal fees, and that Easter Sunday was just the other day, let’s close with a nice little story like this one:

A lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven, wouldn’t you know. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope’s room was Spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the lawyer’s room. It was huge with wall-to-wall carpeting, king-sized water bed, indirect lighting, 80-inch TV, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The lawyer said, “There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope’s room!” St Peter said, “There’s no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope’s, but you’re our very first lawyer!” Ba-ding!

And so onward and forward we go, lord willing, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.