Art Kumbalek
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, here we be second week of those so-called August hot dog days of summer, or is it now the monkey-pox days of summer? Hey, you tell me.
And then I’ll tell you’s that this position on the calendar means that we are just a handful of weeks before the beloved Green & Gold Packers begin a long seasonal slog toward figuring out a way to blow a chance at a Super Bowl berth by focking up a preceding playoff game. What the fock.
But it appears that our future Hall of Fame quarterback, Aaron “Bold as Love” Rodgers, has-or-had been dating Grace Slick of ’60s Jefferson Airplane psychedelia or the ghost of Alice B. Toklas, what with the revelation that AR is a proponent of the hallucinogenic known as ayahuasca. Yes sir, you can take the quarterback out of California but you can’t take the California out of the quarterback, ain’a?
If I were a sports reporter, and given the Packers current roster, I’d love to ask the QB the following: “Don’t you need somebody to throw to / Wouldn’t you love somebody to throw to.” Also, as of now, no proven truth to the rumor that Mr. Rodgers intends to eschew the football helmet this season, and instead plans to play the game wearing flowers in his hair. Ba-ding!
And speaking of visionaries, there’s this from former “president” Donald J. Trumpel-thinskin (per the great Chauncey Devega over at Salon.com) regarding America’s future with a return of the Orange Circus Peanut’s to the White House:
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Donald Trump, like other fascist and authoritarian leaders have done in the past (and present), wants to “disappear” the homeless and other “undesirables”:
Perhaps some people will not like hearing this, but the only way you’re going to remove the hundreds of thousands of people, and maybe throughout our nation millions of people... is open up large parcels of inexpensive land in the outer reaches of the cities, bring in medical professionals… build permanent bathrooms and other facilities, make ’em good, make ’em hard, but build them fast, and build thousands and thousands of high-quality tents, which can be done in one day. One day. You have to move people out.
(Concentration camps, anyone? Maga-focking-nificently focking swell, what the fock.)
You can read Chauncey’s full column here, provided you’re up-to-date on your blood pressure medication:
And to continue on with visionizing another Trumpty-Dumbty “administration,” I’ve got a hunch that an expanded death penalty is sky high on the Trump to-do list ’cause I’m sure he’s got a list of preferred candidates yea long, I kid you not. Cripes, he was all hung-ho with the lynching of his own Veep Choir Boy Pence, for christ sakes.
But I’ll bet you’s a buck two-eighty he’d prefer to turn his executions into a reality TV/entertainment shebang—“The Real Death Row Inmates”—maybe on a pay-per-view like the Big-Time Wrestling. But I suspect he’d have to really jazz it up or it would be goddamn butt-boring but good, ’cause who the hell wants to pay good money just to watch some guy laying on a cot get a shot in the arm and then just go to sleep ’till he croaks?
Very little value for your entertainment dollar, there. By executive order, Trump will get the government out of the capital punishment racket and turn it over to the private sector. Let the people over at the Focks nutwork handle a show like that: “America’s Wildest and Wackiest Death Row Executions”—load up an old Pinto or some kind of SUV with these cons and drive it off Pike’s Peak. Or maybe send a bunch of these bastards, registered Democrats, independent news reporters and assorted enemies-of-the-people up in a hot-air balloon and for $10 a bullet (to be deposited into some kind of Trump grifting PAC fund), members of his Red State militias get a shot at bringing that baby down to Earth, what the fock.
And before I forget, about those mid-term elections come November, how the hell does some dink state like a Delaware rate two senators when your Big Ten states like a Michigan or an Ohio also gets dealt only a deuce for the Senate? Come to think of it, why the hell do we even have a Delaware, except maybe for a place to dump used-up chemicals and we already got New Jersey for that; so for christ sakes, we don’t need Delaware. For that matter, we don’t need a Rhode Island or a South Carolina or especially Texas, either. Cut them loose or make them part of another state or give them to the Palestines, but let’s do something, ain’a?
Anyways, finally, let’s wrap this now—’cause I think I might be hearing voices—with a quote from Scotty Fitzgerald: “Let me tell you about the rich. They are different from me and you.” You got that right, Gatsby. And here’s proof:
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A homeless guy walks up to a ultra rich-looking woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says “Excuse me, ma’am, but I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looks at the guy and says, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
Ba-ding! ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
