Moron-avirus

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I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, to sound a positive note I got to tell you’s that I’m not finding these days and weeks of the isolation to be completely bleak, no sir. Yes sir, I abso-focking-lutely enjoy not having to ponder what-the-fock to wear so’s to presentably show up for some kind of social engagement for which I couldn’t dream up any kind of lame-ass excuse to explain my absence; and I’d like to keep it that way, you betcha

Another positive, apparently Humpty Dumbty Trumpel-thinskin has not been able to appoint any fascist focking federal judges of late due to this virus everybody’s talking about, which reminds me of a little story:

So this judge is in his chambers addressing the opposing lawyers. “So gentlemen,” judge says, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers start squirming, wouldn’t you know.

“The attorney for the defendant gave me $15,000. And the attorney for the plaintiff gave me $10,000.” The judge reaches into his pocket and pulls out a check. He hands it to the attorney for the defendant.

Judge says, “Now then, I’m returning $5,000 to the defendant’s attorney and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits!” Ba-ding!

And speaking of social engagements, sure looks like we got Trumpster fires breaking out all over Yankee Doodle land what with every right-wing idiot Tom, Dick and Dickless taking their firearms and Confederate flags out for a walk and whining to each other nose-to-nose ’bout how it’s high time to “liberate” something or another, what the fock.

These jackasses might not have the coronavirus, yet, but they’ve surely been struck down by the moron-avirus, I do declare. And I dream that it sure would be swell if one day a virus came knocking that made people smart instead of sick, but I got bad feeling that such a thing is not in the cards, I kid you not.

But what can be done to combat this pernicious stupidness all around? A bazillion-dollar question there, ain’a? Some would say that we ought to spend big-time dough and turn our public schools into Taj Mahals of mental excellence. But let us not forget this about education: Some people are just plain stupid, period. No matter what the fock you try to lecture into their heads, they will just never ever be able to recall those symbols from the periodic table of elements; recall the particulars on that Treaty of Ghent; reconnoiter the tunes of Anton Brückner on the family living-room spinet.

However; maybe that some people are going to be just plain stupid is not altogether the worst thing in the world, ’cause somebody’s got to shovel manure; somebody’s got to stand charge of the games-of-skill at the carnival midway; somebody’s got to be in the Trump administration; somebody’s got to work at advertising agencies that specialize in “branding”; ain’a?

You know, about our various and sundry civilizations that stretch way back in the time of history to when people organized themselves into groups to the point where all of a sudden now you had your big shots and your bums, there has always been your permanent class of the very poor (the low class), but people today somehow focking forget that there has also always been a class of the permanent very-stupid (the no-class). The “permanent very-stupid” is no new phenomenon, I kid you not.

Your low class and your no-class are not one and the same, no sir.

Now, a lot of people say they’re high class and that might not be just a lie, but a lot of those who say they’re high-classed can be pretty focking stupid at the same time. Sure, ignorance likes to shine around poverty but it’s abso-focking-lutely no stranger to the other side of the tracks, either. In fact, lots of rich knobs are not only ignorant, they’re downright focking stupid to boot. (Just check out some of the clowns who buy themselves into the U.S. Senate for proof of this pudding.) And let’s not forget that in the olden days, many liege lords were focking stupid as well.

The crappy thing about being stupid is it can sometimes be a deterrent to a Nobel Prize and/or lots of dough (and you can forget about “contestant on ‘Jeopardy’’ as a resume-stuffer), not to mention that being stupid, according to pundits, makes one a sucker for TV and internet political bullshit advertising. Smart people don’t watch TV ’cause they’re too busy talking about reading a book and being organic in their environment.

Yet, stupidity can get in the way of a lot of things but it has never ever been any kind of impediment to being able to operate a fireweapon on anything in the form of a person. “Impediment,” hell, it’s a focking invitation.

I believe there is one thing that can be done to combat this rampant stupidness submerging us all around, and that is for smart people of all colors, creeds, class and various affiliations to simply have more focking kids so as to raise our species IQ curve. Yeah yeah, go ahead, call me a “smartest,” big focking deal. I feel firmly planted that smart people need to get together on a one-one-one basis and do their parts together for the sake of a big-time brighter future.

And I submit the notion that if we had a Homo sapien species of way-smarter members, we could all save a lot of dough in taxes for education ’cause smarter people wouldn’t have to spend so much time in school since they were already smart to begin with, you betcha.

So if I were to be your next president, I’d declare a War on Stupidness. I’ll even put my mouth where my money ought to be, and step to the fore as the first to enlist. And as commander-in-chief, I believe the only way to lead is through focking example. And this war needs volunteers: If you are smart, if you are female, if you have the intelligence of Hedy Lamarr, look like Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Bettie Paige, Lena Horne, and if you believe that we need a smarter (and better-looking, what the fock) human race, I’m looking for you’s ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.