Image: ajijchan - Getty Images
Hand helping drowning hand
Far too often, we are reminded that our world is not always a compassionate place. You don’t have to consume much news to recognize there are endless accounts of humans treating their brethren badly, and most of us have been both victims and perpetrators of disrespectful, indifferent or even cruel interactions. It can be nasty out there, and too often is.
Granted, there are many instances in which people behave kindly. Rarely do these capture the attention of most media, as little kindnesses don’t seem to rivet our attention the way indignity, injustice and brutality do. But, occasionally, just when humanity seems a hopelessly flawed experiment in evolutionary biology, the better angels that inhabit our nature appear. Consider this case in point.
In his early 60s, my older brother became the victim of early onset dementia caused by a series of closed-head injuries, a cognitive condition that rendered him incapable of managing his own affairs. His was a tough life characterized by chronic medical and neurological problems, including a brain tumor at age 10, post-surgical issues with balance and vision, and deafness that began in his late 20s. Despite his disabilities, he earned a PhD from UC Berkeley, an MBA from the University of Minnesota, and did a stint in Africa with the Peace Corps. What’s more, he became an avid runner, competing in several prestigious marathons. So, after all he overcame, it seemed intensely cruel that the one strong attribute he retained—his intellect—would fall victim to life’s slings and arrows.
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Taking Autonomy Away
Sadly, the day came when I shuffled with him into a courtroom where the powers that be would declare him “mentally incompetent” and assign a legal guardian to manage his affairs. It was a stunningly deflating event, one in which the legal system would proclaim, as a matter of public record, that he was no longer the master of his own person and faculties, let alone his destiny. When someone’s autonomy is taken away, they forfeit a vital part of their humanity.
Sitting next to my brother, watching him straining to follow the proceedings with the aid of a sign language interpreter, I felt a cold anger grip my soul. Every rationalizing platitude that ever inhabited my psyche with “there-there” reassurance was mentally ordered to sit down and shut the hell up. My brother’s situation was wretched and brazenly unfair. Fate dealt him a bad hand, one stacked against him in a way he could not transcend. Nothing good, I told myself, would ever rise from the ashes of this poor man’s burned-out life.
When the court testimony by various experts and their recommendations concluded, the judge was ready to issue forth. I took a deep breath and waited for that terse, cold proclamation that our dispassionate legal system so often renders. The declaration of mental incompetence came, as expected, but not in the manner I anticipated.
“Mr. Chard,” the judge began, looking at my brother, “I see that you have a PhD and an MBA, that you served in the Peace Corps, and traveled the world. You circumnavigated the globe by hitching rides on ocean-going freighters, and you speak three languages fluently.”
My brother nodded and smiled slightly. The judge put down his papers and looked him in the eyes, his face warm and kind but without pity.
“You have accomplished a great deal in your life, sir,” he stated. “You have much to be proud of. You have my deepest respect.”
In that moment, I realized there really is grace and mercy in our lives, but it doesn’t come from systems, rules or the harsh realities of existence. It comes from us, from the human heart filled with compassion. As Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other.”
“Commit random acts of kindness,” the bumper stickers proclaim. That’s about all that stands between us and that often cold, cruel world out there. And, for my brother and his family, during that brief interlude in the courtroom, kindness won the day.
