Illustration by Michael Burmesch
Sawing a hole around yourself
A powerful and sanctimonious politician who rails against LGBTQ is unmasked in a gay sex scandal. A successful and highly regarded CEO turns out to be a closet white supremacist. A well-heeled, celebrity minister becomes ensnared in a child pornography sting. The CFO of a multi-million-dollar enterprise, despite her affluence, embezzles 100 large to pay for a wedding and some new furniture. A member of a royal family hangs out with a gilded sociopath who traffics in sex with underage girls.
Why do educated, intelligent and successful people, those who seem to have it all, do abjectly stupid things that land them in hot water and, often enough, tarnish or kill the goose that laid their golden egg? Granted, richly blessed or not, we all harbor the capacity for sleights of mind that lead to risky and potentially self-destructive decisions. However, when those bad choices come from someone living the American Dream on steroids, it evokes “what the hell?” incredulity.
Long ago, I worked with a prominent, affluent icon in his community who was arrested for a lascivious, exploitative crime. When the proverbial boom was lowered by family, neighbors and the law, he carped to me about “unfair treatment” which, he alleged, arose from his prominence.
“If I was just some regular person, I’d be treated less harshly,” he complained.
It is this sense of privilege, of specialness, along with the hypocrisy of playing “Mr. Clean” in public while embracing the opposite in private, that engenders so much disdain for folks of this ilk. What compels individuals to drift so far in their private lives from the principles they publicly espouse? Several potential mental scenarios are at work.
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That Sense of Power
First off, there is plain old butt-faced arrogance. People who think too highly of themselves may become overly confident in their ability to manage situations that require public deception and playing “the system.” Neuroscience studies show that, once a person feels powerful and superior to others, they risk developing something called “acquired sociopathy.” While this condition can result from physical trauma to the frontal lobes of the brain, just being rich and powerful can bring it on, as well. In this regard, various famous persons come to mind, including Trump, Putin, Musk, Madoff, Alex Murdaugh, Clarence Thomas and the like. For the arrogant, it can become a game they play with their own social fortune, believing they are sufficiently cunning to beat the odds and escape consequences.
Another causative element involves something we all use to bend our moral principles—rationalization. Even good people talk themselves into doing bad things by employing a self-serving logic that makes it acceptable. They may tell themselves they deserve some forbidden fruit as a reward for otherwise stellar or self-sacrificing behavior, or as compensation for some perceived wrong inflicted on them by others or fate. Whatever the cognitive equation, rationalizations can persuade people they are entitled to privately break the rules they publicly endorse.
In other instances, the intensity of an inner need persuades people to breach the moral barriers they construct around their behavior. Sex, drugs, gambling and other “got to have it” indulgences can overpower both personal codes of conduct and the fear of exposure and social recrimination. Humans are neither angels nor devils. We live somewhere in between. But surrendering to a compulsion is a choice, one made easier when drunk with self-importance and privilege.
Finally, there can be a “latent disrupter” in one’s innate personality. Curiously, this is often a character strength that, under certain circumstances, morphs into a weakness. For example, someone’s optimism and drive, common ingredients for success, can mutate into grandiosity, over confidence and impulsivity. When unchecked by prudence and moral restraint, these attributes can mutate into liabilities.
Most of us have done things, minor or major, that we knew were wrong or hypocritical and that might expose us to “for shame!” condemnation from others and, hopefully, ourselves. Good people can and will do bad things. Nonetheless, when someone who has it all squanders their largesse or reputation in a failed effort to have still more and does so without remorse, they carry the shame of having no shame.
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