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Money flying out of wallet
After less than a year of matrimony, Adam and Becky hit a sizable speed bump in their relationship. The culprit was the most common source of marital discord—money. Both these folks worked full-time and enjoyed a decent income, but Adam was exceptionally tight-fisted with his greenbacks, while Becky proved something of a shopaholic with a “What, me worry?” attitude about finances.
Once mired in the holiday shopping season, their diametrically opposed approaches to consumerism came into sharp relief, and the interpersonal sparks flew. What would have otherwise been an enjoyable holiday with family and friends devolved into a series of tense standoffs about expenditures. Nothing surprising there. Studies show people are more likely to marry someone who does not share their approach to spending, rather than a person with likeminded financial predilections, echoing the “opposites attract” adage.
According to research, there are three primary buying types—spendthrifts, tightwads and content consumers—and the holidays are when their differences stand out. When the festivities pass and all those credit card bills come due, there’s plenty of ammunition for interpersonal firefights over moolah.
In terms of those buying types, let’s start with the content consumers, whom surveys suggest constitute roughly half the U.S. adult population. These folks are mostly at peace with how much they spend and what they purchase. What’s more, they are generally not impulsive nor emotionally driven, meaning they make thoughtful decisions about where to spend their discretionary income. Consequently, rarely do they experience buyer’s remorse, and their buying habits do not disrupt their emotional well-being.
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Next come the tightwads, like Adam, who outnumber their free-spending counterparts, like Becky, by about a three to two ratio. Brain studies show some of these folks find spending outright emotionally painful, that is unless they get what they consider a really great bargain. They are more prone to procrastinating about purchases and over-analyzing the ones they eventually make. For many tightwads, spending is anxiety-provoking.
In contrast, spendthrifts, the least common of the three types, find spending money provides a buzz, that is until the bills come due (they tend to use credit cards more than the other two groups). Obviously, folks with so-called shopping addiction fit into this category, although they represent an extreme variation. Shopaholics, as we call them, are emotional spenders who use consumerism to soothe anxiety, lift depression and pump up their mood. Pair a shopaholic with a tightwad, and there’s acrimony ahead.
Spendthrifts and Tightwads
What the research shows is that both spendthrifts and tightwads eventually end up unhappy with their brands of consumerism. The big spenders experience a lot of buyer’s remorse and guilt about debt. The penny-pinchers are rarely satisfied with the deals they get, in part because they often acquire the cheapest thing around, leaving them disappointed with the quality of their purchases. Put these two consumer types (like Becky and Adam) together in a marriage, and their individual angst is further amplified by their mutual conflict. Sometimes, couples therapy can address this dysfunction, and, often, budget/credit counselors need to be involved, but differences over spending can prove challenging to resolve.
Of particular interest during the holidays, these negative consequences diminish substantially when spendthrifts and tightwads purchase things for people other than themselves. The act of giving appears to alleviate the disquiet and regret bedeviling folks who over-spend or under-buy.
As is true in many aspects of human behavior, the middle way usually affords the least bumpy road. This is reflected in the purchasing habits of so-called content consumers, those willing to spend responsibly while harboring a penchant for buying quality, unless the price is too exorbitant. But, as Becky and Adam unhappily discovered, what really distinguishes content consumers from the other two types is that money becomes their servant, not their master.
It doesn’t control them. They control it.
For more, visit philipchard.com.
