Making a Life List

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Photos by Prostock-Studio and Jag_cz - Getty Images

Making a life list

“I try not to lose sight of who I am and what’s important in life, but the days go by in a blur, and I feel like I’m losing touch with me,” Katie explained, frustrated.

Like many of us, this 30-something single mom possessed a sense for what truly mattered to her. However, swept along as she was by the fast-moving current of life, she found herself struggling to remain tethered to who she was deep down, as opposed to what she needed to get done.

“How can I slow things down and stay focused on the big picture?” she asked.

“A life list may help,” I suggested.

A life list is the psychological equivalent of those we maintain for groceries, running errands, work tasks and the like. However, this version focuses on one’s inner life, not the external world of chores and timelines. As such, it is not a catalogue of things to do but, rather, a collection of personal adages and centering thoughts—essentially, reminders of what matters most.

Losing Touch?

The external world bombards us with messages about who we should be, what we should want, do, have and the rest. These yank us out of ourselves and into the mayhem of get-it-done living, making it difficult to remain spiritually grounded, connected with our values and aware of our core purpose. We lose touch with our essence.

“To get control of the mind-numbing frenzy of your days, start by considering the most important things you want to keep in your awareness, the ones that remind you why you’re here and why it all matters,” I suggested to Katie.

Agreeing to my recommendation, she managed to carve out several periods of reflection and contemplation, all spent outdoors in a favorite spot. While there, she journaled about what she found most consequential in her life. Gradually, she composed a short but, for her, compelling list of maxims that exemplified her core values and sense of purpose.

Some of these were instructive, such as “Be as good a friend to yourself as to your best friend.” Others focused on maintaining perspective, such as “Tomorrow is promised to no one.” And some were remainders about commitments to herself, such as “Find time to give to you.”

Meaningful Pauses

Being an artistic sort, Katie later transferred her list to some fine parchment, placing it in a clear document folder so she could reference it frequently throughout the day without fraying the contents. Later, she made copies and posted them in places she knew she often looked, such as her bathroom mirror, a tack board next to her computer and, of course, her refrigerator.

Creating and regularly reviewing such a list is an effective way to interject meaningful pauses in one’s busy day, the kind that stop the onslaught of incoming stimuli that distract, overwhelm and scatter one’s consciousness. Instead of being swept along helplessly in the experiential tsunami of modern existence, reviewing one’s life list creates interludes when one becomes like a boulder in a rushing river, unmoved by the torrent of events.

As Katie discovered, such a list may morph over time, requiring occasional revisions. As we grow, learn and age, different reminders become more relevant or helpful. Nonetheless, some of my clients report that certain items on their life lists never change, usually those entries most reflective of their core nature and aspirations. Still, by keeping earlier versions, one retains a sense for how one has changed, and not, over the years.

So, if you feel like a leaf blowing in an existential tempest and sometimes pause to wonder who the hell you are and what you’re doing here, consider creating a life list and referencing it several times throughout your day. Amidst all the mental clutter and chaos, it’s a way to come home to yourself.