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Self improvement illustration
The new year is a popular time to attempt behavior change, but the vast majority of so-called resolutions fizzle out by February. Why? For one, it’s difficult to alter one’s behavioral habits without also changing elements of one’s personality. Think of personality as the soil and behavior as what you plant in it.
For example, if you exhibit a lot of neuroticism, a personality trait associated with anxiety, worrying, moodiness and self-reproach, and your New Years resolution is about being less stressed and more sanguine, this can prove a tough slog. Trying to plant a new behavior in personality “soil” that doesn’t support it often fails.
Now, psychologists have long maintained that personality is largely fixed, meaning very difficult to intentionally transform. However, recent research suggests otherwise. We know, for example, that while some aspects of personality can remain stable over time, other traits evolve, often due to new life experiences, the normal aging process or an intentional commitment to changing them.
Personality is a collection of traits that drive thoughts, feelings and behaviors. So, building a new habit (e.g., “I’m going to start exercising”) influences one aspect of personality (behavior), but if the thoughts and feelings don’t come along for the ride, that change may not prove durable. All three aspects — thoughts, feelings and behaviors — need to be aligned.
So, how does one transform personality? To start, get your psychological bearings by assessing where you are on the big five personality traits. There are free, online tests that measure these traits, which are:
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- Neuroticism: How prone one is to anxiety, depression, moodiness and worry.
- Openness: How open one is to new experiences, including being curious, creative and imaginative.
- Conscientiousness: A measure of being organized, productive and responsible.
- Extroversion: How sociable, outgoing and assertive one tends to be.
- Agreeableness: One’s degree of compassion, respect for and trust in others.
Most New Year’s resolutions reflect one or more aspects of the “big five.” For instance, organizing one’s clutter or finances reflects conscientiousness. Learning a new language relates to openness. Seeking more social connections resonates with extroversion. Surveys show the most popular behavior change goals related to personality include lowering neuroticism, increasing conscientiousness and amplifying extroversion.
How? Lowering neuroticism usually means tackling negative cognitive loops, catastrophizing, obsessive worrying and mood swings. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), available through therapists, various apps and AI chat programs, is the gold standard in this regard. Also, a consistent gratitude practice moves the neuroticism needle in the right direction, while daily nature immersion improves overall mood.
We can enhance conscientiousness by fostering self-discipline. The key is repetition rather than duration, meaning how often one engages in a new behavior (decluttering, exercise, healthy eating, etc.) rather than how long. For example, exercising ten minutes daily is more likely to solidify this as a habit than longer workouts conducted less often. As for big projects, like decluttering, small steps taken frequently prove more successful than marathon sessions.
In terms of extroversion, which is overrated in American culture, it’s about proving to oneself that one’s interpersonal guardrails can be moved. Modeling can help here. Observe persons who are more gregarious and then replicate their approach in social situations. It’s like rehearsing for a role in a play.
Once we demonstrate to ourselves we can align our feelings, thoughts and actions to influence a personality trait, we begin exhibiting “proof of concept,” meaning the transformation becomes self-fulfilling. This requires a certain degree of “fake it until you become it.” The principle here is that where our thoughts go our emotions follow, and where our emotions go our behavior follows.
For example, to increase conscientiousness, one must become more cognitively squared away (meditation and CBT help) which, in turn, amplifies feelings of optimism and agency (“I can do it”) that, consequently, drive desired behaviors like task completion, meticulousness and being organized. With these three elements in sync, personality change follows.
Perhaps psychologist Wayne Dyer said it best: “The more you see yourself as what you'd like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more you'll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into your reality.”
For more, visit philipchard.com.
