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For many, the dawn of a new year brings hope for a “new me.” The resolve to improve one’s self physically, mentally, socially and/or spiritually reaches a cultural crescendo each January. However, for most, this budding optimism soon fades. Research shows that up to 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.
Many of us find intentional behavior change a steep hill, but not for the reasons most imagine, such as a lack of willpower, character defects or laziness. Rather, most self-improvement efforts fall because of one’s method, not insufficient motivation. The good news is that behavioral science has identified those approaches most likely to promote positive behavior change. So, let’s consider what works by looking at four ways to keep those resolutions.
Sense of Self
If the new behavior one attempts to adopt does not fit with one’s identity, it won’t stick. Clothing offers an analogy. Sometimes new threads just feel right, as if they belong on your body; other times, no matter how flashy or expensive, that goodness-of-fit just isn’t there. If the new outfit (or behavior) doesn’t have that “me feel,” you won’t wear it for long.
Take exercise, for example, which is among the most popular of resolutions. If, in your mind, you think, “I’m not an active person,” that self-definition subconsciously undermines your efforts to exercise more. How? Through self-talk that drones on in the background of conscious awareness, quietly sabotaging the motivation to “just do it!” However, if you alter this self-talk by defining yourself as an active person and then begin acting the part by gradually increasing your exercise level, your identity will evolve toward a new sense of self compatible with a more vigorous lifestyle. So, be mindful of your self-talk (you are listening to yourself) and modify it to support your goal. First, you think it. Then, you become it.
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Habit
We all engage in habitual behaviors. So, if we pair a desired behavior with an existing one that occurs automatically, we’ll practice it more often, increasing the odds it will eventually lock in.
For example, let’s say you are distracted much of the time (and who isn’t?) and want to become more present-centered rather than ruminating about the past or fretting about the future. By engaging in habitual behaviors (eating, bathing, dressing, walking, etc.) more mindfully, you train your brain to live in the moment, and, because you already do these habits routinely, you aren’t adding another time-sucking task to your to-do list. What’s more, this process creates a ripple effect that gradually spreads out to other, less by-the-numbers activities.
Frequency
Locking in new behaviors depends more on repetition than duration. The more often we engage in a desired action—as opposed to how long we do it any one time—the greater the probability it will become habitual. Let’s say you want to stick with that aforementioned exercise routine but putting in the recommended 30-minutes a day just isn’t happening. No problem. The key thing is exercising daily, even if just for five minutes. After enough repetition, it will become a habit. Then, later, you can gradually increase the duration of your exercise routine.
Your Other Brain
Finally, it’s critical to partner with your subconscious mind in your change efforts. Why? Cognitive activities like major decision-making, creativity, intrinsic motivation, intuition and others are largely the province of subconscious processes. We can better align our change efforts by “seeding” the subconscious just before falling asleep via something called the “question-behavior effect.”
It’s simple. You just ask yourself the applicable question, such as “Will I exercise tomorrow?”, and then let it go. This question activates subconscious processing to produce an “answer;” not in a literal sense but through your subsequent motivation and behavior.
Unquestionably, the intrinsic desire to change (the “why do it?” factor) is necessary for success, but it’s not sufficient unto itself. We also need to understand and implement the “how does it work?” of the change process. Applied together, they transform “I want to” into “I will.”
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