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The turn of a new year compels many of us to think ahead toward the future and reflect back on the past. Both these mental activities are ubiquitous. In fact, a Harvard study demonstrated most of us spend about half our waking moments distracted from what’s happening in the present, basically ignoring what’s right in front of us. You’ve seen the look in others; the defocused, blank stare that indicates one is present in body only.
Well, aside from some obvious risks to life and limb, like distracted driving or snapping a selfie too close to the edge of a cliff, there are some clear reasons to replace future-thinking (“What if?”) and past-ruminating (“What was”) with being here now (“What is”). When we mentally time travel, we leave the real world and cognitively transit to the realm of make-believe. Yes, our imaginings about the future are just that — imaginings. And our reflections on the past are, for the most part, mentally altered versions of what actually took place (look up “confabulated memories”).
Obviously, we can’t predict the future with any degree of accuracy. After all, last New Year’s holiday, how many of us foresaw the trials and tribulations of 2020? Meaning, if you’re deep into what-ifing about 2021, the odds of accurately forecasting what awaits you are pretty slim. Granted, even a blindfolded kid occasionally pins the tail on the donkey (I’m dating myself, I know), but predictive reliability that ain’t.
Life’s Surprises
Of course, some of us attempt to shape our futures by force of will. Whether the goal is to land a new gig, shed pounds, craft an exercise routine, or find that dream home, calls to personal action often fizzle out (most New Year’s resolutions implode by February) or yield unanticipated outcomes. And even when we summit a personal mountaintop, life can readily upend such accomplishments with one of its many available and unwelcome surprises. Am I suggesting we abandon goal-setting? No. We need things to hope and strive for, and to look forward to. However, if we spend too much mental time and energy riveted on the future or become too heavily invested in achieving exactly what we desire, there’s often trouble ahead.
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What sort of trouble? Well, aside from being disappointed or resentful (“I didn’t get what I wanted”), thinking ahead is a perfect recipe for ramping up anxiety. Research shows a great deal of future-surfing focuses on what might go wrong rather than what could go right. For the most part, humans don’t appreciate uncertainty and harbor some measure of risk-aversion, so a lot of “What if?” thinking devolves into worrying. What’s more, worrying often involves using the past to predict the future. “If this bad thing, or something like it, happened before, it can happen again,” is a common refrain. This past-is-prologue mindset keeps chronic anxiety percolating.
So, what about the past? The New Year’s holiday can be as much about looking back as peering ahead. We can, in fact, benefit from contemplating the path we’ve traveled provided nostalgia doesn’t erode into regret, bitterness or heavy doses of what might have been. Should that occur, then “What if?” and “What was” combine to conjure a toxic brew of negative perceptions and feelings. Painful memories feed fears about the future. In turn, fears about the future cloud one’s recollections of the past, downplaying positive events while emphasizing unpleasant ones. The psychological snake swallows its own tail.
When this conundrum sets in, mentally leaning too far out over one’s skis and cognitively walking backwards are no friend to mental health. Granted, the present we are incessantly told to embrace (be here now) isn’t always pleasant. However, it is always real; not riddled with anxious imaginings about the future or perceptually tainted laments about the past. So, whether your New Year’s holiday is about thinking back or thinking ahead, it’s helpful to consider this quote from Buddhist Eckhart Tolle:
“Now is all you ever have. There never is anything else. So, you might as well make the now your friend.”
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