Epic Fail
Rye Wardlaw, 40, chalked up a big fail on Sunday, July 8, at NW Escape Experience in Vancouver, Wash., when he broke into the business in the pre-dawn hours. According to The Washington Post, Wardlaw tried and failed to enter through a back door using a metal pipe, then knocked a hole through the wall. After climbing through, he knocked over a set of lockers. Then, carrying a burrito and a beer he nicked from the company’s refrigerator, he wandered into the “Kill Room,” an escape room dressed to look like a serial murderer’s hideout. Among the blood-spattered walls and fake cadavers, Wardlaw got scared, but he couldn’t escape. So, he called 911 (four times) and pleaded for help. Clark County Sheriff’s officers accepted his confession and charged him with second-degree burglary.
Trump vs. Goths
Organizers of Bats Day, a special celebration at Disneyland for the goth community, have called it quits, citing the loss of available tax deductions under Donald Trump’s new tax law. The annual event began 20 years ago and grew to attract more than 8,000 goths each year, with Disneyland offering discounted tickets and hotel rooms for participants. “We did a lot of research,” Bats Day founder Noah Korda told Vice, “and, unfortunately, it just wasn’t feasible to actually continue with the way that we run the event.” On Sunday, May 6, about 800 goths showed up for a final group photo in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle.
A Dog-Gone Bad Excuse
Florida Highway Patrol officers pulled over a Nissan sedan on Wednesday, May 16, on I-95 after observing erratic driving, reported the Miami Herald. Indeed, Port St. Lucie, Fla., resident Scott Allen Garrett, 56, smelled of alcohol, had an open bottle of 92-proof Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum on the passenger seat, was slurring his words and had “red, very glassy and bloodshot eyes,” according to the police report. Garrett then told officers that he hadn’t been drinking and driving—his dog had been doing the driving—which would have been notable on its own, except that there was no dog in the car with him. Garrett was charged with DUI.
Stay on top of the news of the day
Subscribe to our free, daily e-newsletter to get Milwaukee's latest local news, restaurants, music, arts and entertainment and events delivered right to your inbox every weekday, plus a bonus Week in Review email on Saturdays.
Bad to the Bone
City Councilwoman Carol S. Fowler, 48, of Huron, Kan., made a splash in the news when Atchison County Sheriff’s deputies tried to arrest her on Friday, June 29, for failure to appear on an outstanding warrant. Fowler put up such a fight that deputies had to use their Tasers on her, and she was arrested for interference and battery on a law enforcement officer. But Fowler was just getting started, according to the Atchison Globe. As jail workers tried to remove her jewelry and personal items, Fowler bit one of them on the thumb hard enough to break the bone. As a result, she now faces three felony charges of battery on a law enforcement officer and a charge of interference with a law enforcement officer.
A Well-Seasoned Officer
In Nashville, Tenn., 20-year-old Antonio Freeman [no, not the former Green Bay Packer!] knew he had a problem on Monday, June 25, when three police officers approached him as he rolled a marijuana joint. He also knew there was a bigger problem in his pocket: a plastic bag full of cocaine. In a bold move, according to The Tennessean, Freeman pulled the bag out of his chest pocket, crushed it in his hand and sprinkled cocaine over Officer Ryan Caulfield’s head and into the air in an attempt to destroy the evidence. The officers were able to salvage about 2.5 grams of the substance and charge Freeman with tampering with evidence along with possession of a schedule IV drug and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia.
Calling Alfred Hitchcock
A cheeky seagull embarked on a life of crime on Saturday, July 14, in Gloucester, Mass., by plucking a man’s wallet from the top of a pizza box and carrying it onto a nearby roof. Phil Peterson was on a cherry picker hanging lights nearby and offered to retrieve the wallet, which was being picked apart by two seagulls, “literally trying to eat it,” he explained. He tried to distract the birds by throwing bread at them, but that only turned their attention to Peterson. “It was like the movie The Birds,” he said, recalling how the seagulls began swooping down and pecking his head. Quick-thinking bystander Mike Ramos borrowed a flashlight from a police officer and used its strobe feature to discombobulate the birds just long enough for Peterson to sneak in, grab the wallet and bring it back to its rightful owner. “It was just the craziest thing I ever saw in my life,” Ramos told the New England News.
© 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
