The term “fisting”refers to the practice of inserting the entire hand into a partner’s vagina oranus. In the gay community, this is often called “handballing,” which Iconsider a more accurate and less frightening term. When people hear the word“fist,” they often imagine something violent, as if you’re going to be punchingsomeone’s genitals. This is not the caseyou’re not going in there like Popeye,people. In reality, fisting can be an intense sexual experience for bothpartners, one that requires a lot of trust, communication, time and lube.
First of all, your goalwhen fisting a partner should be to cause no damage, not just to minimizedamage. Like any other kind of anal or vaginal play, fisting should not causepain or serious physical trauma. Pain or severe discomfort is a sign that yourbody is not ready or relaxed enough for this type of play. It’s extremelyimportant for both partners to communicate to each other about this and to stopif the partner who is being penetrated feels any pain. Sometimes, even if youhave fisted or been fisted by a partner before, the body will just not be ableto accept a whole hand, and the best thing to do in that case is to acknowledgethat it’s not going to happen and move on to another type of enjoyable play.Never force the process.
Second, realize thatfisting is indeed a process. You’re not going to squeeze your hand intosomeone’s body cavity without a lot of warm-up. You can begin with somenon-penetrative activities that will get blood moving to the recipient’spelvisany kind of genital or anal stimulation that they find enjoyable. Whenthey are ready for penetration, insert one or two fingers anally or vaginallyand massage your partner internally to begin to relax the PC and/or sphinctermuscles. It’s important to use lots of lubricant during this process! Yourpartner can let you know when they are ready for three or four fingers. Mostpeople find it easiest to insert their fingers in a “V” shape, with all fourfingers coming together in a point like a bird’s beak. At this point, yourfingers are not in any way in the shape of a fist!
The most intense part ofthe process, and the point at which many people get stuck and realize that theymay have to stop, is inserting the thumb (again in a “V” shape with the rest ofthe fingers) and then getting past the knuckles, since this is the widest partof the hand. This requires a lot of relaxation on the part of the receivingperson, who may find it helpful to bear down with their PC muscles. People withsmaller hands will find this step easier to accomplish than people with largerhands (no surprise there). Once past the knuckles, the inserting partner mayfind that the rest of their hand is naturally pulled into the vagina or anusand that their fingers and thumb curl into a ball.
Once the hand is inside,the person who is being penetrated may want their partner to stop all movement,may want to rhythmically clench and release their PC muscles, or may want theirpartner to gently and slowly rotate their hand or lightly flex their thumb andfingers. Even the smallest movement may feel like an earthquake to the personbeing fisted. Experiment with what feels good in this position, includingstimulation of the external genitals or other parts of the body.
People who enjoy fistingmay like it because of the intense connection it can create between partners,because of the feeling of vaginal or anal fullness created by the hand, orbecause the process of opening up your own or someone else’s body in this wayis a unique experience. It’s not for everyone, and some people may find itimpossible depending on the size of their body and the size of their partner’shand, but it is in no way unusual or damaging. Bill Brent has a chapter aboutfisting in his book, The Ultimate Guideto Anal Sex for Men, and Deborah Addington has written a book called A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of VaginalFisting. I recommend both of these to anyone interested in learning moreabout the topic since, as always, this column can only serve as an introductionto specific types of sexual activities.
WantLaura to answer your questions in SEXpress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not all questions received will beanswered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questionsthat do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced inthis column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity andcontent.
LauraAnne Stuart has a master’s degree in public health and has worked as asexuality educator for more than a decade. She owns the Tool Shed, an erotic boutique on Milwaukee’s East Side.
