Photo Credit SLR Jester, Flickr CC
We've all done it – said “no” to a homeless person on the street who asked for money – and then felt guilty for saying so, even if just a tinge. For some people, walking by a homeless person has no impact, whether that be mere indifference or stone cold, judgmental, hostility. For the rest of us, it's troubling to see people in such desperate circumstances. The desire to help out with a dollar or two is not a big deal financially, but leads to other big picture questions. Is this really helping? Will they spend it on drugs and alcohol? Is this just enabling them to continue to not face their demons? Maybe they really are just down on their luck, but how do I tell? All are good questions behind an ostensibly simple act of generosity.
Seemingly at the root of this conundrum, though, is our own selfishness. “What if it was me? I'd want someone to help.” Or, “I can't deal with the guilt.” It’s a way to turn someone else's misery into a self-focused reaction. However, it is our money we're talking about giving away, and the desire that it be put to good use is not unreasonable. The idea that “if I gave a dollar to everyone I'd be on the streets myself” is also completely true, so we're off the hook on that one, too. WHEW!
So, what's an average person to do? Guilt sucks! So, if you're the type of person inclined to help out with a dollar two, or just want to help, here are some strategies to consider.
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Set your limits. Give money only to the first person you encounter each weekday. $20 a month seems like a reasonable amount. Or, $5 once a week. Remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation (except maybe your god of choice), so if that's what you can afford then that's fine. If you can afford $0 a month then by all means don't give a damn thing. Spend it on your own drugs or alcohol – why should homeless people with addiction problems have all the fun! See where this is going...
To mirror the advice of so many homeless advocates, you could also give to various philanthropic organizations you know will dole out assistance, or volunteer there. Both are good ideas.
But this article isn't about giving strategies. Back to the title, “Saint or Sucker.” If we do give are we really helping (saint), or just being taken for our money (sucker)? You have permission to turn inward on this question. In a perfect state of being when our self-ness isn't part of the equation it simply wouldn't matter. Giving is just an act of giving. Full stop. But given that our human-ness is involved we're right to question how it makes us feel (and leave the guilt discussion for another time).
There's a school of thought that any giving is saintly, and it doesn't matter what the motivation is. The mere act of trying to help out a fellow person is beyond reproach, and it isn't the giver's responsibility to discern what is done with the gift, beyond reasonable prudence. Why should you let your suspicion that they might spend your gift on something nefarious get in the way of your hope (and maybe trust) that it's spent on food, or even bus fare (as a common ruse goes)? What are you going to do, follow your beneficiary around and make sure he buys some bread? Intercept him at the liquor store and dole out a good chastising? If you feel compelled to do this, don't give money to anyone. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If you were bequeathing your sizable estate to a deserving charity some strings might be in order. Not at the street level.
As for feeling like a sucker when you give someone money (usually after and you've had time to think about it), well, you probably have been or will be one. A sucker, that is. You can pretty much be assured that some of your hard-earned and easily doled-out money is nestled comfortably in the coffers of our nation's massive booze empire, or hidden away discreetly by one of many drug cartels who supplied heroin or meth to your charitable recipient, but not all of it. If that makes you a sucker, so be it. Even if they are drug addicts or boozers that doesn't make them any less deserving.
Regardless of what scenario you buy into it's probably a safe bet that the recipients of your money are not vacationing in the Bahamas with the largess of your goodwill. Remember the adage that journalists try to adhere to: comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Good advice. In this case being a sucker can also make you a saint. You don't have to be one or the other. Be both! It's good for you.
