- I lied to everyone about my Thanksgiving plans. I said I was going out of town to be with my family but the truth is, I sat home alone with a frozen pizza.
- I fricken hate the holidays! If one more family member asks me why I don’t have a girlfriend I might snap!
- My children have several food allergies, so whenever I get a really delicious dessert that I don’t want to share I tell them that it contains something they are allergic too. Oops!
- I think all the special holiday drinks at Starbucks taste exactly the same but I always order the most complicated one so people are impressed by me.
- My sister has decided to force vegetarianism on her whole family ,so when I get alone time with my nephew I encourage him to tell his mommy that he wants to be a butcher when he grows up.
- I wish I could tell my co-worker’s wife that there is nothing going on between us. He just asks for a woman’s perspective on how he can be better to you and I am there to help. Please stop hating me.
- I'm considering committing a crime so I can go to jail and escape my problems. I've prosecuted crime for over a decade
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- I'm a guy but I like to tell people I have childbearing hips to see their reactions. Hahaha!
- I have a phobia of coins. The way they feel, look, sound & smell. I haven't touched one for 15 years
- At some of my lowest points I always stop and remind myself, "you aren't being punished, you just haven't been rewarded yet.
- I no longer investigate my birth-mother's identity. I stopped wondering what if. I'm just happy to be me!
- Using my electronics during take-off & landing will never be as fun now that I don't have to hide it from the flight attendants
