I was recently accused of ageism. No, I didn’t rudely reject an octogenarian’s amorous advances. Actually, the flowers were lovely and the Whitman’s Sampler was delectable, save for that gooey one. He just wasn’t my type. Anyway, it happened to be a 20-something reacting to my well-considered observation regarding the naiveté of 20-somethings in general. I guess I hit a tender nerve. In response, he called me ageist. I’m not sure if reverse ageism works like reverse racism. In other words, some say victims of racism cannot be racist towards racists because they (the victims) are victims of racism themselves. I think that’s how it works. And, anyway, wouldn’t some young guy calling some old guy “ageist” be ageism?
Back in the day when I was just turning salt and pepper (I’m all salt now), I was roaming around a market in Bangkok. Whenever I’d interact with someone younger, I got the full Monty of deference. They’d bow their heads with hands together, and if I were seated, would make sure they were seated even lower, on the ground if need be, to be sure they were not speaking down to me. It wasn’t a conscious effort to lull a wary tourist into a sale, either. It was natural respect, learned and inherently applied whether to a family elder, a local older stranger, or a foreign white guy haggling for a better price on that piece of blue-and-white pottery. Just my speckled strands of gray warranted recognition of my experience and wisdom.
In this case, rather than reflect on my words, the guy played the age card. Obviously, my observation had no validity. I was ageist, motivated by my desire to be “superior” (his word). Thus diverted from the real discussion, the conversation stalled. I didn’t want to point out that some adult potty trained him (hopefully), professors are usually older than their students and bosses, like his, tend to have more years experience than their employees. I thought about Icarus and Phaethon, those cocky young jocks of ancient lore whose exuberant egos (they call it “attitude” today) belied their foolish naiveté. As you’ll recall, their exploits ended badly. Wax wings...really?
Early onset arrogance is nothing new and it’s certainly not a gay thing. It’s just the nature of “kids today.” Still, I’ve read about gay bars demanding older men pay a cover charge while the young bucks prance in for free. There was also some kid calling for 30-plus gay guys to be banned from clubs altogether. Locally, aside from the ageist comment and the usual, subtler snubs, Milwaukee’s gay age consciousness may not be quite as extreme when it comes to the chronological social divide. But then there was the time that younger woman called for “new blood” during a meeting of an LGBT organization I’m a part of. We veterans got the message. Well, after two years, her résumé nicely padded, she’s moved on. Thankfully, the loyal old blood is still flowing.
